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Post by xscape on Feb 28, 2010 20:56:14 GMT -5
I need some help. Somebody go do whatever it is you do ,and Please give me some direction here. I don't know.. Am I just cursed or what is this? Cause god knows I do my best.
I try to be kind to people. I do all I can to help anybody out if I can. I don't seek to hurt people. I don't go trying to decieve people because it happens to me all the time ,and I know how much it hurts to have it done to you.
Sometimes, I feel as if I got a "Go ahead and stomp all over me sign" on my forehead. I don't get it. I get lied against. I get accused of being and doing things I don't do. Am I ever gonna get some peace here? Are people ever gonna find out I'm not this evil person?
Oh will I have to keep on getting kicked by people? I mean.. What in the world is the purpose of all this pain?
I am open to suggestions.
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Post by Jane on Feb 28, 2010 21:53:34 GMT -5
Tiffany Take a deep breath. I know you feel attacked and violated, and I'm so sorry for the way people are treating you. I do not feel as though you deserve this treatment in any way. However it takes something big as this to get out attention. I'm sure your spirit guide is calling out to you.. for you are never alone. I'm not getting all preachy on you I just want to say that everything works in a better direction, I know it may not seem that way but I know it to be true. Let me pull some tarot for you.. I haven't done tarot in a while because I cannot cleanse my cards of Michael but in your situation I will give it my best try: page of swords, 4 of wands, strength, knight of swords, page of pentacles, queen of pentacles, justice, five of cups, two of wands First off: the page of swords. This could represent someone in your life or a set of characteristics that you should envelop at this time. A page of swords is physically active and quick. Short temper but tends to forgive quickly. The Page of Swords is a messenger bringing you challenges. He suggests that an opportunity for growth may come your way in the guise of a problem or dilemma. These challenges may not be your favorites. In fact, you probably will want to say "Thanks...but no thanks." The Page of Swords asks you to embrace these difficult situations. Think of them as trials designed to test your mettle. If you accept and prevail, you will become stronger and more resilient. In meeting these challenges, you are encouraged to use the tools of the Swords suit - honest, reason, integrity and fortitude. The Page of Swords can also stand for a child or young-at-heart adult whose interactions with you involve truthfulness, ethical behavior, discouragement or matters of the mind. The four of wands may warn that one's work will not receive due credit. The person represented by this card is almost too successful in expressing ideas; others may think they originated the ideas themselves. The Four is a very good card for family and mature relationships. The Strength card is just that: Usually we think of strength in physical terms - big arms, powerful legs - but there is also inner strength. Inner strength comes from an exercise of the heart muscle. It is perseverance, courage, resolve and composure - qualities that help us endure when times are tough. Card 8 also represents patience and compassion. Getting angry is easy when events turn sour, but dealing calmly with frustration takes great strength. So does accepting others and forgiving mistakes. We need strength to mold situations softly. In this card, the lion is being tamed by the woman's gentle hands in a loving manner. Knight of swords, page of pentacles, and queen of pentacles may all be people. Disregard the sexual orientation of the cards, though the queen of pent is most likely a woman. The knight of swords is the hard worker. This person doesn't fully understand or agree with his or her task in life but is nonetheless willing and able to do the necessary work. Such a person will rise above trying circumstances every time and complete the needed duty. The page of pent is most likely a child, or someone young at heart, quiet and slow, needs pushing and encouragement. A child or young-at-heart adult whose interactions with you involve stability, trust, commitment, safety and material needs. The queen of pentacles is a nurturer. Capable but cannot be rushed, a daydreamer but also practical, fearless but quiet. The page of pentacles can be seen as an idea rather than a person, if this would make more sense to you. In this case, the page of pentacles is a messenger bringing you opportunities for prosperity. He delivers real chances to experience wealth, abundance, security and solid achievement - the wonders of the Pentacles suit. In your readings, this Page suggests that an opening may appear that promises enrichment, comfort, trust or the chance to make your dreams real. When you see such a chance, act on it! Justice is what it is. Justice often appears when you are concerned with doing what is right or making sure you receive your due. This card can also appear when you are feeling the impact of a past mistake or good deed. The cause you set in motion at one time is now returning to you as an effect. Sometimes Justice is a signal to do what needs to be done. A time comes when responsibilities must be accepted, and accounts settled. The past will continue to haunt you if you do not recognize your mistakes and make amends for them. You will need to weigh matters carefully and perhaps make important decisions about your future course. The five of cups is the card of emotional dissatisfaction. As a secondary meaning, it predicts all manner of minor physical and mental discomforts --- those that often accompany the suppression of real desires. In very positive settings, this is the card of change for the better. The two of wands indicates that power is a major issue in the situation. You or someone else has it or wants it. When you see this card, look carefully at your goals and activities to make sure you are using power wisely. Don't support power for its own sake, but enjoy it when it serves your worthwhile purposes. Take this gift and use it to mold your environment in positive ways.The Two of Wands can also stand for an extra dose of daring and inventiveness. When you see this card, trust that the time is right for the bold, creative move that will knock their socks off. Forget subtlety and old, tired approaches. Allow yourself free rein and you'll be amazed at the results. So.. after all that, let me see if I can bring it a bit down to earth for you. Overall, these cards are telling me that this is your journey of truth, justice, and courage. You have obviously been through a lot and now is the time for you to stand up for yourself, not through anger, but through love and understanding. Personal freedom doesn't always come with the understanding of others; rather an understanding of others through yourself. You have a lot of potential for growth in your situation. It is your decision how to handle this, but the cards suggest levelheadedness, logic, reason, and an open heart. Having an open heart isn't about letting others walk all over you, however, because an open heart has to be not just for others but for yourself as well. It is the understanding of when is the time to move away from one thing and on to another due to what is best for everyone and not getting too upset at others for not being on the same lever. You are progressing through your life and others can't always follow. Michael was very smart and had the same issue at hand.. the frequency in the world is rising though, and we have to be patient since some of us are rising quicker than others. I suggest that you forgive them for being cruel out of ignorance, for they do not have your eyes. Forgive them and let it go, for they do not know any better and you do. I hope you can find some peace in this. Love , Jane
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Post by xscape on Mar 1, 2010 3:00:53 GMT -5
Jane.. That was beautiful hon I really wasn't expecting this ,but I am glad you did this for me. Thank you. I have been on a journey for truth for a very long time now. Truth and peace. The short tempered but easily to forgive person is me right now. I never in my life had it in me to feel anger much unless it was because of an injustice done, usually to somebody else. 2009 and continuing into this year though, I have found myself being very angry and having to take measures to calm my hot head down and realize those things which you spoke of. I'm not angry at Mo and Souza here. I'm more hurt than anything because I know in my heart I am not this Joe person. I don't know what is going on except I know it's a hack somehow. I don't hold a grudge ,but It simply hurts. Physical health problems have also plagued me. I've had 2 surgeries in the past 5 months. My gallbladder went bad ,and Then I had to have a cyst removed. I did that surgery,which removed a golfball sized cyst from my inner thigh.. and The incision decided to break. For awhile, One could actually see inside of my leg. Back problems and shoulder problems causing me great pain. I can't use my left arm well. Glory be. lol All I know is whenever I show the pictures of the magazine sent to me from Whisper and I speak of the things I spoke of at the hoax forum, It never fails that something happens to the thread. It happens on every single board I've shared my experience with. So,I won't share the pictures here because I like this board ,and I like all of you guys. I don't wish to lose you guys. Jane, Thank you for being so understanding. You've been so kind to me ,and I really appreciate it with all of my heart.
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Post by Jane on Mar 1, 2010 7:15:36 GMT -5
Jane.. That was beautiful hon I really wasn't expecting this ,but I am glad you did this for me. Thank you. I have been on a journey for truth for a very long time now. Truth and peace. The short tempered but easily to forgive person is me right now. I never in my life had it in me to feel anger much unless it was because of an injustice done, usually to somebody else. 2009 and continuing into this year though, I have found myself being very angry and having to take measures to calm my hot head down and realize those things which you spoke of. I'm not angry at Mo and Souza here. I'm more hurt than anything because I know in my heart I am not this Joe person. I don't know what is going on except I know it's a hack somehow. I don't hold a grudge ,but It simply hurts. Physical health problems have also plagued me. I've had 2 surgeries in the past 5 months. My gallbladder went bad ,and Then I had to have a cyst removed. I did that surgery,which removed a golfball sized cyst from my inner thigh.. and The incision decided to break. For awhile, One could actually see inside of my leg. Back problems and shoulder problems causing me great pain. I can't use my left arm well. Glory be. lol All I know is whenever I show the pictures of the magazine sent to me from Whisper and I speak of the things I spoke of at the hoax forum, It never fails that something happens to the thread. It happens on every single board I've shared my experience with. So,I won't share the pictures here because I like this board ,and I like all of you guys. I don't wish to lose you guys. Jane, Thank you for being so understanding. You've been so kind to me ,and I really appreciate it with all of my heart. Tiffany, You don't have to share anything at all if you don't want to. I'm sure you've been through a lot. Hang in there! We love you.
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Post by xscape on Mar 1, 2010 9:03:35 GMT -5
Wolfie and I thank you,Miss Jane lol I know lol I'm bein' a bit corny with the smiley here.. But It's just adorable to me lol I can't help it lol It's like tryin to be all bad and tough, kinda like Taz does.. but It's too adorable lol I am so happy to have been invited here. You guys really don't know how I've waited so long just to find a place willing to accept me with open arms and listen to me. It's like a soothing balm to my soul. Thank you!
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Post by Jane on Mar 1, 2010 15:15:28 GMT -5
Wolfie and I thank you,Miss Jane lol I know lol I'm bein' a bit corny with the smiley here.. But It's just adorable to me lol I can't help it lol It's like tryin to be all bad and tough, kinda like Taz does.. but It's too adorable lol I am so happy to have been invited here. You guys really don't know how I've waited so long just to find a place willing to accept me with open arms and listen to me. It's like a soothing balm to my soul. Thank you! You're very welcome. We'll have you back on track in no time All you need is a lil' luuuve.
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Post by xscape on Mar 1, 2010 20:25:18 GMT -5
Jane..I need something lol I just don't know any more. lol
You know, I do understand Michael so much. My childhood wasn't the best there ever was. lol I was abused by my stepfather. My mother didn't leave him. I got to live with his abuse for years until I tried to kill myself. lol My dad wasn't in the picture. I had to be on my own emotionally for so long ,and I still have to.
Last year, When I heard Michael had died, I was sure.. God had made a mistake in creating me and putting me on this earth. It was like the tip of a very tall ice burg. So, I lay in my bed and existed. I had terrible migranes from a car accident I had been in. I had just gotten out of a terrible abusive situation where I was being punched and hit with pool sticks among other things. On the day Michael died, I was in an emergency room as well. I went to sleep at the time he had supposedly been pronounced dead.
I woke up not knowing what had happened and thinking everything was normal. I was watching t.v. The announcement came across the T.V. screen. I had to turn it on CNN and see Jermaine's press conference. I wound up throwing coke in my mother's boyfriend's face for saying it was good the freak was dead.. and how stupid I was for being so upset when I never had a relationship with Michael Jackson.. except in my head. Yeah..My mom..wonderful woman she is.. decided to go tell the jerk about Whisper and what had happened in my life. Without certain details.
I wind up getting very sick and not knowing what was wrong with me. 2 months was spent only eating crackers and water. I lost 35 pounds. I had to get my gallbladder out. Blah Blah.. It all winds up on some bad road as usual.
I didn't have internet for a long time. Yeah, I could have continued to keep my mouth shut about what happened to me. I probably would have too..until some jerk had to go bringing it up and accusing me of being a gold digger on another board.
Suddenly, I got tired. I just got very tired. I know Michael is with me somehow. So,I'll explain that and how I know.
When I went to my regular doctor, She told me about the gallstones and That I needed surgery. Okay. But,She also told me that I had a spot on my liver they didn't know what it was. Since I had gotten an ultrasound, She told me that the spot was probably not even there.. nothing to worry about.. they'll just run a MRI to make sure. Okay.
I go do the MRI. I am certain nothing is on my liver. However, After the test is done, I joke around with the technician.. and She pretty much tells me.. Yes,There is indeed a spot there. It's probably beign though.
Later that day, My surgeon calls to confirm the appointment I had with them the next day. I told them what had happened at the MRI and They told me that they would rush the results and see what was going on for me. That spot could mean cancer here.
So,I lay in bed that night and I began to think.. You know, I am 35 years old. I spent the last two months being very sick. What in the world would I do if I were sick like that all the time? And What about my daughter? I'm no young chicken anymore ,but I still wanted to be able to play with her and see her grow up to an adult. I wanted to see her surpass the 25 year old life expectancy the doctors have given her. So,I prayed to God that night to please not allow me to be that sick.
The next morning, I nervously go to the doctor's appointment. I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting to be taken back and There's soft music playing in the waiting room. We're talking stuff like the Beatles and Cat Stevens.. lol I'm nervous sitting there.. When all of the sudden, I hear a familiar tune. It's Dancing Machine...and I could feel it in my heart.. this love and this knowledge that I was okay. So, I'm thanking God and I am thanking Michael because I couldn't explain it.. but I knew I didn't have cancer at that point. Now..Some would say that was probably a coincidence, right?
I might have dismissed it as well.. Except that soon after Dancing Machine was played.. Janet's Alright came on and played.
And That was too current for what was being played on the sound system. When the songs were over, Old hippie music was back on the air. I've been to the office since then.. It's never happened again.
I walked in knowing I was okay ,and I was right.. The spot on my liver is a birthmark. I knew I'd get better ,and It gave me a new lease on life.
When I came online, I had good intentions.. Yeah..The very things they say the road to hell is paved on. lol I saw so many brokenhearted and sad people over Michael's death. I wanted to comfort them and try and help if I could. I wanted to try and give people hope and to promote Michael's message of love and of healing the world.
It didn't happen that way. Instead,I was thrust right back into the Whisper situation once more..six years after even discussing it on a message board. I left a message board I had been a member of for years and that I considered the people to be like family to me. Now,That's gone.
So, I was searching and I found the hoax site. You guys are the only good thing that happened to me out of that experience thus far. I did all I could to go on with my life as I was commanded to do. I did try to put it behind me and forget. It never went away. No matter what I tried to do to avoid it, It kept coming right back.
So, I face it. I don't know if I ever will find out the truth about it or Why it won't let me go. I gave it to God a million times and told him to do his will in the matter. It didn't seem God found it fit for me to be vindicated in any manner or for the truth about Whisper to be discovered.
So, I figured.. Leave it. Go on. Yet..No matter what path I take or where I go.. It pops right back up in my face again. Since I do believe everything has a reason for happening, I know there's a reason why I keep staying in limbo here.. something I am to discover or learn. Otherwise, God would honor my intentions of leaving it in the past and allowing me to move on from it.
I know it's not for my benefit. Going through all of this isn't exactly a joy to do. I go through a range of emotions again..sometimes, I just hang my head and sob. It's so much to ask one person to deal with all by themselves.. even though it says God will never give somebody too much for them to handle and will never leave them without help. I've cried many times for help.. for some direction. I remain alone.
I believe at this point.. It's Michael. To benefit him somehow. To help him somehow. I think that's why God won't let me let go and keeps bringing me back to the same accusations and scorn and judgements from people. I have moved from my home. I stopped going on MJ web sites. I closed off from so many things that were familiar to me. Still.. Whisper keeps coming right back.
I simply can't swallow that there is nothing good that can come from such devastation and pain. There's a lesson here some place.. something isn't resolved enough for me to be free and find peace finally. To be able to smile and say.. "That's it. I'm done, I finished the course and everything is okay again."
I hope Michael is proud of me wherever he is. I hope somehow I find what it is he wants found and be that voice he wants me to be. To be able to know I have his blessing somehow..You know?
Because I never wanted to hurt him. Not ever. I know in my heart I told the truth ,and I know I have no ill will towards him. I only wanted the best for him.. for him to be happy. I always wished the best for Michael. No matter what because I lived in a box too all my life.
So,I take this cross. Accept it because it's not going away with years passing. If it finally sets Michael free and gives him the love and peace that he's desired for so long, I couldn't be happier.
Michael deserves the best. He's worked hard all his life and was denied so much because he placed others before himself so much. At the very least, He deserves to have all the misconceptions about him cleared up so that people can know who he really is in his heart and the love he had within it.
If I can somehow do that much for him..Maybe finally I'll be able to move on from this in peace.
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Post by Nicole on Mar 1, 2010 21:55:19 GMT -5
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Post by Jane on Mar 1, 2010 22:07:40 GMT -5
Tiff, I know you have been through a lot. Please hang in there, you've found some friends here to support you. Hope you are doing better
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Post by xscape on Mar 1, 2010 22:39:50 GMT -5
Taz..lol He's my man.. Right along with Garfield and my mascot wolfie.. lol Guys, I don't mean to go on and on about this.. lol I feel like a broken record. It's just been a really long time. Anyway.. lol Things starting to break down.. It's a part of getting older.. lol It's like You know you're old when the music is too loud and You can't seem to stay up past 9:30 anymore.. LOL You groan when you have to go to the mall to get something.. Heck,That used to be your favorite thing to be able to do.. lol When you actually don't get carded anymore for that bottle of wine.. lol 5 years and I'm 40 years old lol I still feel young though. lol It's like 35?? Somebody's playing a practical joke on me...I can't be 35 years old.. LOL I keep telling myself that I am like fine wine.. I get better with age.. that and plenty of sleep lol Physical illness is something I can handle. I might feel like dirt warmed over ,but I get all snuggly in my blankies and I get to be babied lol Hot cinnamon tea.. No rush in the world. Peacefulness and the sweet quietness and miracle of healing and loving myself. It's the emotional stuff. I hate inner turmoil and stress. When I was younger, I kind of was able to numb it out until I was alone and then, I'd deal with it.. Now,Stress makes me weary. I literally have to take naps and say a prayer and get away. I am worried about myself in the sense of anger. Never did I even feel it before. I was asked once..How do you express anger? I was like.. *Blank.,.. I truthfully didn't have an answer. Anger is hurt's cousin. People get angry when they feel hurt and vulnerable and like they have to protect themselves. I find myself in a mental rant and It shocks me.. I go.. Hold up,Tiff.. What in the world is going on here..Calm the hell down! I'm not used to anger. I don't like anger. Anger can cause people to do very stupid and irresponsible things even if it is justified or their motives are in the right place. Maybe, I'm just working off a backlog of hurt.. lol I'm gonna take the next few days and really look deep within myself to get to the root of it in hopes to get it resolved in a loving and healing manner. I know I can count on you guys.. Miss Jane,I appreciate you and the fact you take the time and patience to respond to me.. and Miss Nicole.. *Smile Keep Taz with you! He can be a destructive little devil ,but His little devil heart is in the right place.. lol
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Post by Jane on Mar 12, 2010 19:04:09 GMT -5
hey that's what we're all here for. i'm here anytime.
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