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Post by xscape on Feb 27, 2010 17:38:11 GMT -5
I'm new here. I didn't know where to begin. lol I decided this was as good as place as any. I'll tell you what led me here briefly and then get on with my experience.
I had done a web search with my experience in mind. I came upon this web site that spoke about Michael Jackson hoaxes. Well, I took a chance cause I saw that whoever these people are,Their minds are at work. I may not agree with everything ,but I do appreciate people who are willing to not simply accept what's been handed to them unless they check into it themselves. I have learned the hard way to look deeper than people wish I would go. I am painfully truthful and direct. If I don't like something, I'll speak up. I'm not a troublemaker. I just don't like seeing people dumped on. So,I told my story and I got a PM inviting me to come here. *Smile I'm glad I did. Love and understanding is indeed lacking among Michael Jackson fans ,and It's very sad to see. It's as if people want to ignore exactly what it was that Michael was all about.
When I was a young person..back in 1998..lol I gave birth to a beautiful child. My daughter has some serious health problems ,and Back then, She couldn't leave the house. I had spent 52 days with her in the hospital before being able to take her home and She almost died. Her chances were not very good. She wound up fooling them all like I knew she would ,but Back then, Taking her out was too risky. Catching something meant life and death for her. So, I was stuck inside my home.
Needless to say, I got lonely. I was going through a divorce with her father ,who had cheated on me. Nobody really came to my door. I had bought a computer awhile back ,and I decided to get online service for the first time. At first, I stayed away from the chat rooms. Soon though, I found out that surfing web pages was boring. lol One of the web sites I went to had a chat room in it.. and One night, I made the fateful decision to go in there. It was a Michael Jackson chat room ,and I personally didn't know anybody in my town who was a MJ fan. So, I went in there hoping to make some friends.
As time passed, I did make friends ,and I enjoyed speaking with them very much. It was 1999.. and The Michael Jackson and Friends concert had been broadcast over the internet. I listened to it.. and during that concert.. when Michael was onstage singing..Something happened to me that never happened to me before.. I felt this incredible warmth of love hit my heart so deep and true that it took my breath away. I had seen concert performances on T.V. before. I never felt that before.
So,I go into the chat room that night.. and Suddenly, That same feeling hits me again. Everybody was talking around ,and I decided to post a message.. I said.. "Wherever Michael Jackson is tonight, I want to wish him the best of love, joy ,and everything good this life can bring to him." A minute passed and Nobody said anything in response. It didn't really matter to me because what I said was more like a little prayer for Michael. To wish him well and to Wish for his happiness. Suddenly, Somebody says to me.. "That was very nice for you to say,Tiffany." I smiled and said.. Thanks.. It;s just how I feel." A minute later they leave.. and enter the chat room under a different name. A name that I got to know them by as time went on.
3 months into knowing this person..They claimed to be Michael Jackson. For three years, I believed them. Our relationship took place over the internet and phone ,and No.. It wasn't like some goof just claiming to be him. This person had information about Michael that was never wrong. If I gave this person advice about something, Michael Jackson would do my advice in public. I was even quoted in a magazine by Michael Jackson. So many surreal things happened. It's tough to try and explain three years in one thread. lol
I did write a journal recently about it so if anybody wishes to know about it, PM me with your e-mail and I will send it to you. I know I am leaving so much out here ,but I'm tired now. It's been a very stressful day for me today. lol
The relationship didn't end very well at all. It was a trainwreck. I found out the man was cheating on me. I think the count of women I know of is up to seven now. And People think I'm crazy or a golddigger. lol The man told them that and People who believe he was MJ followed right along to his tune. I lost all my friends because they believed him over me. I had my home broken into and all of the gifts, along with the tracking papers he sent them with, were stolen. Nothing else of value was taken.
I never wanted this to happen. I don't know to this day who the person was. I did love them very much and underwent a whole lot in silence. I kept hoping things would work out. They never did though. Even after everything blew up in my face, I hoped that one day..There would be peaceful resolution. That never happened either.
On the day Michael was reported to have died... I was devastated on so many levels. It's bad enough to lose somebody you loved, admired, and respected all your life.. but To have to sit and know that you also may have lost someone you thought of as the love of your life without being able to have the understanding of others is torture. I mean.. You can't even seek professional help in the matter because people have a hard time believing you. I have no clue who he was ,but For all intents and purposes, I was thrust into Michael Jackson's world a little. What I witnessed and experienced was disturbing.
People heard Michael Jackson ,but Very rarely did they take the time to listen to him. For this person to open my eyes and show me even a slice of what Michael may have went through, I am eternally grateful. I don't hate this person. I never did hate them. I was angry and hurt over what happened. I still have my days. But, I did my best to warn people. Nobody bothered to listen to me.
So, I'll tell you quickly that one time me and this man discussed the idea of faking his death. He told me over the phone that he had considered it but would never do it. The reason was that he had so many people who loved him and depended on him that he felt he could never hurt them in that way. Not even for peace because he felt that was a selfish reason to hurt people.
This is one conversation where I truly hope he was wrong. The thing was..The guy was never wrong. Not once in three years did he ever slip up. This time though.. If he indeed knew Michael's feelings about this or If he was really Michael, It means Michael is dead.
People change though. Michael was under so much pressure. People don't even realize half the crazy stuff that went on.
I have to rest for now ,but Please take care. Feel free to talk to me, if you'd like to.. I'll be back soon.
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Post by Jane on Feb 27, 2010 18:07:13 GMT -5
thank you so much for sharing this whenever you rest if, if you'd like to share more with us then i'd love to hear your stories and experiences. and you are a strong person to have put up with some of the other things i read on the other forum, while taking care of your daughter, and still keeping your cool enough not to hate this person.
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Post by xscape on Feb 28, 2010 4:04:00 GMT -5
Thank you Jane Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me. It deals once again with this situation. I wound up giving up on a place I had went to for years. Why? Because somebody thought they'd be a big shot and go accusing me of being a golddigger and bringing up the past again. I hadn't spoke of the matter on that board for 6 years or more. But, My mother had a stroke recently ,and I merely asked for people to keep her in their prayers. This person goes off the deep end and accuses me of preparing to set up paypal accounts to solicit money from fans. So, I tried defending myself. Well, The board saw that and shut me down claiming I was sharing too much personal information. After that incident, No matter what I would try and post, The thread was either closed or hidden. I asked them to leave me alone. I'd take responsibility for my own self. They refused and I told them off. lol Probably shouldn't have done it ,but A person can only take so much. Especially after asking repeatedly to be left alone to the administration of the board in PM and being completely ignored. Life goes on though. I'm simply tired and I'm not going to sit back and allow people to hurt me any longer or try and tell me what to do. I've been carrying this cross for 12 long years. I never went to the media. I didn't sue Michael. I won't be suing his estate. You won't be seeing my story in some tabloid. I never asked for fame or fortune. The only thing I've ever asked for was the truth so I could get on with life. Sadly, I guess the secret players in this don't believe I deserve to know the truth no matter how badly I'm hurting inside. Jane.. It took me years to be able to understand that I didn't hate this person. I once said that they had ruined my life. It's how I felt and sometimes.. I still feel that way, especially when I get days like yesterday.. lol It took me years to actually be able to look back and remember the good times we shared and actually be able to smile when I think about them. The invincible album?? Well, I'm still working on being able to listen to it without feeling hurt. I mean.. I was told how the album was about me and how The world was singing to our love but didn't know it. It took me years to be able to even stand to listen to one song from that album without sobbing. The man did alot of damage here. I think I may post some of my journal later on today that I had written about it. Saves me from having to keep typing and retyping LOL. Please take care ,and I'll be back soon.
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Post by xscape on Feb 28, 2010 10:26:20 GMT -5
I guess I will begin from the beginning. At the time I was 24 years old ,and I had just come home with my newborn daughter. She was very fragile. She had spent 52 days in the hospital and had almost died while she was there. Nobody would tell me, but They didn’t really expect my daughter to live for very long. Because she was so fragile, She wasn’t allowed to go places. I remember actually leaving places before entering them because they had too many people in them. As such, I stayed home with my daughter pretty much all of the time. I was a single mother of a very sick little girl who was in the middle of a divorce from her father. I won’t get into that relationship much except to say he cheated on me and was an alcoholic. Plus, He didn’t want our daughter. A good reason for divorcing somebody. Lol Because I couldn’t get out of my house much, I began to want social interaction. I had a computer ,but I had never went online before. I decided I wanted internet though. It took me several phone calls to figure out how to do it though. Lol I got internet on my computer. In the beginning, All I would do was surf web pages. I had heard terrible stories about chat rooms ,and I wouldn’t go into one. Soon, It got boring to sit there and just look at different pages all day.
It was then I decided I would take the risk of going into a chat room. It was evening ,and I can still remember sitting in my chair and being absolutely terrified. I knew going into a chat room meant that I would get the chance to talk to people. That’s what I wanted to do. I had chosen a Michael Jackson fan website.. Please keep in mind that I had never interacted with other fans in my life. I didn’t know what to expect. I was so innocent that for my chat name.. I used my first and last name. I didn’t know I could do differently and choose any name that I wanted. Lol
I went into the chat room…and met many wonderful people. I became friends with a group of people.. One of them I was so close to that I actually met her in real life. I thought of her as my best friend. I’ll speak about her later though.
Time went on and It was announced that Michael Jackson would be having a series of charity concerts “Michael Jackson and friends..” The best part was that it would be available to be heard online. I listened to the concert ,and It was special to me. I hadn’t been able to go to a Michael Jackson concert before in my life. To listen to a concert as it was happening was as close as I got to being a part of a concert. I loved it. It was incredible to me knowing that I was listening to Michael Jackson as he was on the stage. Later that evening, I was in the chat room..and something happened to me that had never happened to me before. I really cared about Michael Jackson ,but what happened to me was beyond that. I was sitting there in my chair and watching the chat when this incredible feeling of complete love for Michael Jackson hit my heart. It was so beautiful that I almost wanted to cry. I couldn’t help it. I had to express what I was feeling. I typed a message that said.. “I just want to say that wherever Michael Jackson is tonight, I want to wish him the best of love, happiness, and health. He deserves the best of everything good this life offers ,and I wish him all the happiness in the world. Nobody really responded. This was typical of the chat room. They didn’t really respond to positive things unless it was part of the conversation of the room. Now, If you were to say something negative about Michael, Expect ten people to jump on you at once. Lol I didn’t expect any response at all.
Suddenly, Somebody with the chat name A Friend said to me “That was really nice of you to say,Tiffany.” I was a bit stunned. I didn’t think anybody noticed what I had said. Smiling at them, I said.. “Well yeah.. I know it was a bit corny, but That’s how I feel about Michael.”
They left the chat room without replying to me. A minute later, Whisper appeared in the chat room. This was the first time I saw this person ,but I made no connection at the time between A Friend and Whisper. He later told me that A Friend was him. Years later though. I didn’t talk to Whisper that night. We didn’t speak until weeks later.
There was a chatter in the chat room who never spoke. They went by the chatter name a. People thought that a was a chatroom spy. They never spoke to anybody. I had heard a little about a ,and I found out that a was actually a girl who was named Amanda. She was a very depressed woman who just wanted to be a part of the group. So, I reached out to her without expecting a reply in return. I’d send her a message telling her that She was valued and warmly welcomed among the group. I’d tell her she was special and to keep her head up. That things would get better for her. One night, We were all joking around ,and This girl made the comment that She would sit in the back of Michael Jackson’s limo and have him feed her grapes. We all laughed ,but A miracle happened. Amanda made a comment. “I don’t think he likes grapes.” She said and left. We all sat there kind of stunned. We continued our conversation though. A day later, People in the chat room were speculating once again about who a was. Somebody said.. “Well, Whoever they are, They never talk.” I spoke up. “They spoke last night. I replied. This was huge news. Whisper sent me a private message. This is how he usually operated. He rarely spoke in public. He’d speak privately to people. Whisper sent me a message that said “What did she say?” I told him about the conversation, and I told him what she said. He replied back to me. “Michael likes grapes. “ I didn’t think about how he said what he did. To me, I thought it was only logical. Michael liked fruits and vegetables ..of course he liked grapes. Whisper then asked me about how the chat reacted. I told him.. “Well,It’s kind of like Michael when he speaks. He speaks so rarely that when he does, people pay attention to him because they know what he has to say is important.” From that moment, Whisper began talking to me.
I don’t remember every conversation..lol This happened 12 years ago. But, Whisper found out about me and my daughter. He also knew I was going through a divorce. I’d talk about my daughter but stay quiet about her father. Whisper would encourage me and tell me that I had people who cared about me and wished me well. He’d also keep asking me.. “Is there anything I can do to help you? Is there anything you need? You’d get the sense he meant it too. I kept telling him that his friendship was all the help I need ,and That I deeply appreciated him and our talks. One night though, He wanted to know about my daughter’s father and why I was getting a divorce. So, I told him why. He was upset. “That man doesn’t even deserve to look upon you!” was one of his comments to me. I tried to play it off ,but Whisper deeply touched me. He was different from other chatters. Whisper rarely spoke in public. When he did though, Words of such kindness and wisdom would come from him that you would literally stop and be breathless because of the beauty of his words. There was something else though. All I can do is explain it by giving an example. One night Whisper came into the chat. We all greeted him by saying Hey Whisp..” He commanded respect. If you were somebody he considered a friend, He wanted you to greet him. He wouldn’t be ignored. He’d make it a point to PM you to say.. “What? No Hello?” What’s this?” lol Anyway, He came into the chat with an announcement. “People check out the next issue of this certain magazine (I forget the name lol) People were like “Okay Whisp.. Thanks.” One of them asked though “What are we looking for Whisper?” Whisper didn’t answer except to say..”You’ll see.. Check it out.” Michael Jackson wasn’t in public at this time. There wasn’t any announcements that he would be doing anything. Sure enough, The next issue of that magazine had a Michael Jackson interview in it.
There was something else. There was a woman in the chat who went by the name E. E was kind of confusing, to say the least. She spoke in poetry with meanings that often people had no idea what she was speaking about. I liked her though. Anyway, Every single time she’d come into the chat, Whisper would come in. When she would leave, He would as well.. even in the middle of conversations. People thought Whisper and E were a couple. I considered both of them friends. However, Something was happening to me. I began to think of Whisper often and would wait up to speak with him. I had to feed my daughter every four hours without fail. It was so important to her health that I did this so that she would get nutriants that she needed in order to live. When I should have been asleep in order to get some rest, I would stay up and wait for Whisper to come into the chat room. Sometimes, It was late before he’d come in. I was trying to deny to myself my feelings, but I knew the truth.. I was falling in love with Whisper. It was scary for me because I really didn’t think people could fall in love over the internet. Also, I thought E and Whisper were a couple. I’m not a person who goes after somebody else’s man. I had been cheated on here. I knew how it hurt to be betrayed like that. I wasn’t about to do that to somebody else.
One night, A person came in by the name QT. They kept asking people.. “Has anybody seen Whisper? Has anybody talked to Whisper?” I shrugged and spoke up. I felt this person was a nut short of a payday bar. They sent me a PM. “What did he say? Blah Blah..lol” I wouldn’t tell them exactly what was said between Whisper and me. That was private and I don’t invade anybody’s privacy. All I told them was that Whisper and I spoke sometimes.. and That he was a nice person. QT gushed.. “OMG! You don’t know how lucky you are!” I became aware of what QT thought. She believed Whisper was Michael Jackson. I thought she was crazy. As far as I knew at the time, Michael Jackson didn’t even own a computer.. and even if he did..One: Where would he get the time? And Two: Why the hell would he bother going into his fan’s chat room?” I had been in that chat room long enough to know that while the fans cared for Michael, They could be cruel to him and judge him just as badly as tabloids did. I shrugged her off ,but I became worried for Whisper. If people thought this about him, It meant they would probably go on a witch hunt for him. I didn’t want Whisper to leave the chat room just because some crazy people wouldn’t leave him alone. Being compassionate, wise,mysterious and creative didn’t mean you were Michael Jackson. I shut this out of my mind as being stupid.
One night, E came into the chat room alone. I decided to talk to her about Whisper and my concerns about him. She told me that Whisper had been in there before, but The same thing had happened, and He left. She told me it took her awhile to convince him to come back to the chat room. I felt bad then. I didn’t want him to leave and not come back. There was more she said though..and I got the impression that perhaps she knew how I felt for Whisper and was telling me to back off, so to speak. I didn’t want to lose her friendship, and I didn’t want any conflict. I decided I would stop my friendship with Whisper at that point.
Whisper wasn’t having it. He’d PM me and ask me.. “What’s going on here? Why won’t you speak to me?” I wouldn’t answer him. I’d just leave the chat. It hurt me to do that ,but I felt I had to. One night, I was speaking to the woman I told you about earlier.. the one who I met in real life. We had been in the chat room ,but We went to IM to talk. I had thought I had closed the window to the chat room. When I went to shut off my computer though that night, I discovered otherwise. I opened the window to see that Whisper had entered the chat room that evening. He left me a simple message. It was a message that sent chills down my spine. “You can’t hide.” He had left the chat shortly after he had sent me that message. Whisper was like that. He got his intention across to you with very few words. I had never seen anybody who could do that. He’d tell you something with few words and without emotioncons ,and You knew exactly what he meant. He was deliberate, especially when he was upset about something. I had talked to my friends about Whisper. They told me to follow my heart ,and to have more trust in Whisper. That he obviously cared about me and wanted my friendship ,and That I shouldn’t shut him out just because somebody told me to. I took their advice and began speaking to Whisper once more. He was glad about my decision and our friendship continued.
The chat room was changing. It wasn’t a good change,either. I began to hate going there. I went there to speak to my friends only. I had a conversation with one of my friends, who invited me to another chat room. This friend was a guy. I decided to take him up on his offer. I decided to tell my friends of my decision. They all accepted my decision and told me that they would keep in touch with me. Everybody was okay with it. Except Whisper. I told him what I was going to do ,and Whisper got upset. “So,You’re going to another chat room with some guy,huh?” I bet you both must have a lot of fun together.” He replied to me. I was like.. um.. okaaay.. So,I told him that I did enjoy this guy’s company.” Whisper was like “I bet.” In the chat room, He posted Phantom of The Opera lyrics in public. I couldn’t believe how he was acting. I told him.. “Whisper, I’ll still keep in touch with you.” All he would say was “Uh-huh.” He went on about my friend, and I understood suddenly that he thought this guy was my boyfriend. So, I explained to him.. “Whisper, The guy is only 14 years old. He’s not my boyfriend. I’m not into incest here. I sighed and then said.. “Fine Whisper. I’ll keep coming here.” His reaction :YES!!! I WON!!” I shook my head with a smirk. I replied “Yeah, You always think you win,Don’t you?” He responded back to me “I ALWAYS win. I am a winner!” Personally, I felt he was a little bit too full of himself. It was as if he won some type of prize or something. I kept coming to the chat as he wanted me to. We continued our friendship. How can I describe our friendship? Hmm.. It was playful most of the time. He’d come into the chat.. and I’d PM him. “Hey you..” I’d say to him. It’s my greeting to all my friends. He’d grin and be like “Hey you..Come over here.” I’d reply to him.. “Um, No. I don’t think so,Whisp.” He’d reply back.. “Why not? Is this scary for you?” Ghosts was something we quoted in our relationship A LOT. Lol I’d reply back “Heck no, You don’t scare me.. but If you keep looking at me like that..Forget it. I ain’t staying here.” He’d just laugh and be like “Get over here. I want a hug.” I’d give him a hug ,and He’d grin at me.. “You know you’re asking for it,Don’t you?” he’d ask me. I’d laugh at him and tell him.. “Oh yeah, I’d love to see a person who thinks they can teach me a lesson here.. especially not you.” He’d laugh and We’d go back and forth like this. To me, It was just joking around. Clueless, I didn’t pick up on the fact that he was actually flirting with me. There was also serious moments between us ,but Most of the time, It was us joking around. One night though.. We were in the chat ,and somebody was talking to Whisper in public. They had misspelled his chat name. Whipser.. is how they spelled it. They apologized and laughed.. “Whipser.. It sounds like whipped cream.” We all laughed, but I made the comment in public..”I love Whipser..” I meant whipped cream. Whisper pmed me then and in tiny letters said “u love me?” I was trapped. So, Being chicken..lol I typed him a message that told him that I cared a lot about him ,and That he meant a lot to me.” That’s all I would say. He dropped the subject ,but We were talking and E was in the chat. She left the room.. and I quickly Pmed him.. “Don’t you DARE walk out that door! I said to him “I know you want to be with your girlfriend, and I appreciate that ,but I am trying to talk to you.” He replied back “Girlfriend? What girlfriend? What are you talking about?” I took the time to explain to him the rumor going around about him and E, and How everybody noticed that they came in the room and left at the same time. He responded to me. “E isn’t my girlfriend. She’s a friend of mine who I help out sometimes. Sometimes, She needs to talk to me ,and She asks me to come into the chat room to talk to her. So,I do that.” I stopped right there. I was blushing and I replied back to him.. Oooh..Okay.” I didn’t know what to say to him then. Suddenly, I got this urge to tell him how I felt about him. I was just about to do that when I stopped myself. I was like.. “Hold up. Just because he doesn’t have a girlfriend doesn’t mean he’s gonna feel the same way about you that you do about him.” I had already made a comment that was leading up to what I wanted to tell him. Suddenly.. He says to me “Tiffany,There’s something I have to tell you. “ I told him to go ahead and speak his mind. He responds back with a question to me.. “Tiffany, What do people say about me in the chat room?” Instantly, The rumor that he was Michael Jackson came into my head, but I didn’t want to go there. I avoided it by telling him what people thought of his personality. He wasn’t about to let me get away with that though. “What are the rumors about me,Tiffany?” He asked me. I gave some vague comment. I wasn’t going to go where he was insisting we go. Quietly, He wrote me one message.. “ The rumors about me in this chat room are true. I am who they say I am.”
Shocked wasn’t the word to describe how I felt at that moment. I sat there with my jaw dropped and speechless. I believed him. It just fit. He wasn’t talking to me.. so I figured maybe he was feeling shy. I typed him a pm.. “It’s okay,Michael.. You can speak to me.” He wrote me back “Are you sure? Is this okay?” I told him it was okay and that he could trust me.
A girl came into the chat room and She was pretty much going on and on about how sexy Michael was and how she’d love to.. um ..yeah.. lol So, I joked to him.. “Oh look..There’s another groupie. It’s never a problem finding Michael Jackson.. Just follow the drool..” He laughed but said.. “Stop! That isn’t funny! You don’t know what I go through over here.” I responded.. “Uh-huh. I now know why you always have umbrellas around. The drool is so bad it pours down like rain.” He laughed at me. We joked around a little more ,but When our chat ended and I went to bed that night, I cried my eyes out. I was completely and totally heart broken. I felt like Whisper had told me what he did as a way to protect me from going too deep with my feelings for him. “He’s Michael Jackson. I thought.. “I’m lucky if he even sees me as anything more than a fan he talks to online.. at the most, He thinks of me as an online friend.” I made a decision though. I knew Michael had been hurt so badly in his life. It was my goal to be the best friend I could be towards him,and To be there for him. In the chat room, I treated him no differently than I always had..except our conversations were more open. I remember one time.. I had seen a picture of Michael holding up a flower. He had this huge smile on his face and had looked so beautiful. I told Michael about the picture and how I thought he looked beautiful in it. He asked me..”You think I’m beautiful?” I replied.. “Michael, When you are happy, Your eyes shine and there’s such a inner light that comes from you that touches my heart. You are definitely a beautiful sight to behold.” He wrote me back “Then,Behold me forever..” Let me tell you..That comment left me breathless. He made it very hard for me to sit at my computer and fight the love I felt for him. I was determined to do so though. Until..He laid it all on the line one night.
We were in the chat room and talking when E walked in. I had never seen her act like she was. She was going off and demanding that she got what was hers and all of that. Michael pmed me and said “I swear I don’t know what’s up with her sometimes. Why is she acting this way?” I responded to him.. “I know exactly why she’s acting like she is…She’s in love with you.”
Michael pmed me back.. with tiny letters he wrote.. “what about you? How do you feel about me?” I stared at the screen for awhile. I didn’t know what I should say. I took too long. Michael pmed me again.. Answer the question,please. So, I lied. I told him I didn’t see his question ,but I would answer it if I had seen what the question was. I figured this would buy me some time.
He wrote me back “I know how E feels about me. What about you? How do you feel?”
I was in a panic. I didn’t want to tell him I was in love with him. So, I replied.. Well..We’re friends.” He writes me back “I understand and respect your decision. It’s okay..” I was confused. I didn’t know what he was trying to say to me ,but He was obviously hurt by what I had said to him. I wrote him back.. “Michael.. I can’t do this. If I say we’re friends, You’re upset. What’s going on here?” He wrote me back to tell me that he had feelings for me. That he couldn’t shut them off like a light and that He knew he was married.. but that she was cold towards him ,and he couldn’t deny how he was feeling towards me. Michael Jackson was married to Debbie Rowe at the time. So.. I gave up my act because of his confession. I finally admitted that I was in love with him. I went to bed that night with my head spinning. It was very hard for me to understand, but All I knew is that it felt good inside to be truthful with my feelings and not have to hide what I was feeling inside of my heart. Our relationship continued pretty much as it was before.. except it was deeper. We were always teasing one another ,but Now, I knew his intentions. He was a flirt. I’d tell him that, too. He’d laugh and deny it. “I am NOT! And he’d stick his tounge out at me.” One night, We were discussing his gold pants. He asked me “How do I look in them? Do I look good?” It was a good thing I wasn’t drinking anything. I would have choked on it. Lol I wrote him back and said..”You’re kidding me,right? Michael, You look great in them.” I decided to be a little flirtatious though.. After a little bit, I pmed him.. “Michael, I have a question for you. I heard this rumor and I want your answer on it.” He replied.. “Okay. Ask me anything.” So, I told him.. “Well, I heard this rumor about those gold pants you wear. rumor has it that if you rub the gold pants, It will bring you good luck. Is this true?” He giggled back at me and said.. “Well, I don’t know..You can try it though..(gently) After a few minutes I wrote him back.. “Well, I’m feeling something, but I don’t know if it’s luck.” He laughed at me. Whenever we both spoke like this,We’d comment on the “temperature” of the room. So, I say.. “Michael.. I don’t know about you, but This room is getting hot. Why is that?” This time, He smiled at me.. “Because you’re with me..” was his answer. He told me that we had this amazing connection and that he felt as if our souls were intertwined. He was beautiful. He often left me speechless. I had his e-mail address. I often wrote him when I woke up in the morning ,and I’d tell him how I was feeling and what I was thinking. One day, I had gotten pictures of my daughter taken and I had them on a disk. The night before, Michael had seemed a little down. So, I wrote him an e-mail and entitled it “My Happy Thought.” I attached a picture of my daughter to the e-mail.. and I told him that whenever I felt sad or discouraged about something, I’d just think about my daughter and that she was my happy thought. I told him I knew times got tough for him at times so.. I wanted to share my happy thought with him. I told him I loved him and that I hoped that his day would be a good one. When I got on my computer later that day, There was a message from him entitled “Your Happy Thought Helped me Fly! “ His message told me that I was a gift from heaven and that I was the “most precious of God’s creation..” He told me “Give my little angel a kiss from me.. and save one for me.” I was so happy that I had given him something to smile about. Michael was very creative on the computer. Using the keyboard, He would type out images. This was not a easy task to do because you had to keep centering things. Michael made me an I Love You heart. I was so touched. His computer art was more complex though. One picture he made was of himself as an angel..and sent it to me. He was constantly telling me how much he loved me and how blessed he felt to have me in his life. I felt like I was the blessed one here. I felt as though I was a part of a miracle ,and I loved him so much.
One night though.. Michael had told me that he would be in the chat room eariler in an e-mail ,but He never showed up. This was odd of him. If he told you he’d be there, He was there.. and If he got busy, He’d tell you he couldn’t make it and that he would miss you. I got worried about him. I sat up that entire night talking to a mutual friend who also knew about him.. It was kind of hard for her not to know.. He had sent her a thousand dollars. She had gotten in trouble with her parents because she ran up a thousand dollar phone bill calling everybody around the world who she was friends with. Needless to say, Her parents was pissed because they were left with the bill to pay.. until Whisper paid it for her. She still got punished ,but Her parents went a little easier on her because she gave them the money to pay for it. The next night, Whisper was back in the chat. I wouldn’t speak to him. He was like “What’s this game? You aren’t gonna say Hi to me?” I replied back to him.. “I’m angry at you.. but You’re so cute you make it hard for me to stay mad.. so let me be mad at you. I was worried about you last night when you didn’t show up.” Whisper replied “Somebody was worried about me? That’s new…” I told him “Yes, I was worried something was wrong.” He told me to not worry.. that I couldn’t ask him not to worry because that was in his nature, but that he was okay. His computer stopped working and he had to get it fixed.”
I told him.. “Tell you what.. When you stop giving me things to worry about, I’ll stop worrying. Then,You can worry for the both of us. Besides, I had to go to bed alone last night with nothing but my cuddly teddy bear to cuddle up to.” He goes.. “Oh..So we’re into cuddly teddy bears now,Are we?” I replied “Yes, We are..and who knows? I may like him better..” Michael replied “That’s not possible.” I asked him “How do you know that?” He replied “Because.. I’m soft,warm, cute… and You like me better.” I responded to him “Oh really? Is that what you think?” He replied back.. “No .It’s what I know.” And laughed at me. Things were beautiful between us ,but There was some conflict there. Understand that I was getting a divorce from somebody who cheated on me. I wasn’t a home wrecker.. even if the marriage wasn’t going well. Michael wanted me to give in to how I felt for him and be open to it. I wouldn’t do that completely though. We’d get into discussions about it ,and It was a battle of the wills so to speak. I once e-mailed him and told him I didn’t think that I should keep in contact with him. He wrote me back like Don’t even entertain that thought! I don’t want to hear that! Not Now! Not Ever! He told me he needed me close to him and that “I wasn’t allowed to move an inch from him..” and that he loved me so much. Of course, I gave in. There were more things that made me hesitant. I just kept having this feeling sometimes that Whisper wasn’t completely sincere with what he was expressing. It’s like I said before.. That Michael may say one thing but mean something different than what he said. I had read this story of this MJ fan who flipped over Michael telling her she was special. She took it as meaning that there was a intimate relationship there between her and Michael. I knew that to Michael, He considered people a blessing and a treasure.. Therefore, EVERYBODY was special. I had tried to convey to Whisper.. “Words are very very powerful. You may say something and mean one thing.. but Somebody may take it in another way. Be very careful with your words. Use them wisely.”
It didn’t help his case any when I discovered Whisper was a pro at copy and pasting. He would type down a message and send several people the same message.. but change a few words to the message to personalize it. I caught him doing it several times. He’d do this with e-mails as well. The girl he had sent a thousand dollars to.. Well, She loved to brag about her relationship with him. She’d tell me how he sent her an e-mail.. and even send the e-mail to me for me to read. Sure enough, It would be pretty much the same email.. except mine would be more intimate and affectionate. I never did confront him on it ,but Yeah.. It bothered me a little. I knew that if he was Michael, He didn’t necessarily have much time to sit there and write everybody a e-mail.. and He would change a line or two to make it more personal to the person. It just bothered me. It made it feel less than sincere.
Of course, When you love somebody, You desire them. Our relationship in the beginning was all about the romantic part of love.. The expressions of love that was sweet and gentle. Things slowly began to change between us though. I remember once in the chat that the girls in there were talking about things they noticed during Michael’s concerts.. and how certain costumes he wore were.. well.. kinda showing things.. lol Michael says in public “Stop! You should not be looking at that!” In private though..He PMs me.. “Except you.. You can look.” I sat there laughing like..”Um..Thanks for the permission,Whisp.. I appreciate it. I’ll let you in on a little secret here..I’ve already looked. Lol Thanks for telling me that though.,lol” My birthday though.. We were back in the chat.. and He was wishing me a Happy Birthday.. and asking me if I could have anything in the world,What was it that I wanted..” I replied “World peace?” lol.. “No No..Everybody wants that. I have to be original here. Let me see.. How about you tied in a ribbon and sitting in my living room?” He laughed but He knew..It was getting harder and harder to love somebody and the only contact you have with them is by computer. I wasn’t complaining though. I felt grateful to just be with him. We were in the chat, and A girl walked in by the name of Hoju. She was ranchy. There was a space where you could put your e-mail address by your user name. She’d always put something there that was just.. ugh..lol This time, She had Grabs MJ’s crotch..” by her name. I ignored her. But Whisper goes.. “Ouch! She grabbed me too hard! Get her away from me!!” I laughed at him and said “Aww..You poor thing. It’s okay now.. I got that big bad groupie away from you. Is there anything I can do for you?”
He went *pout Weell.. If it isn’t too much to ask.. “ So, I replied “What do you want?” He goes “Um..What do I want? *Evil Grin.. I was like “Well? I can’t read minds here.. What is it?” He said “I want a little kiss.. right here..” I was like.. “OMG..You shouldn’t go there. You never know..You may wind up with more than just a little kiss…” He writes me back *Grin That’s even better.” I was stunned..lol I was thinking.. “Okay,What little development is this?” lol
It continued.. One night.. It was getting late in the chat and I was tired. Whisper wasn’t really talking to me much.. so I decided to tell him Goodnight and leave the chat. Next morning, I wake up to find an e-mail from him.. “What’s this,Tiffany? Just “goodnight?” What are you doing? Smacking my ass and sending me off to bed? I looked in the mirror and I could have swore I saw fingerprints all over my ass this morning. Was that you? Then, He goes on to tell me that he loved the massage I gave him last night,that it made him feel so good.. I had to laugh at him. I wrote him back like.. “Um.. I don’t know what you’re smokin’ but It ain’t my fingerprints all over your ass.. and If I had given you a massage,You would have known it!” One day.. We were all in the chat room..and He goes..”Tiffany,Can I ask you a question?” I was like “Sure..Go ahead..” He goes..”Okay..” but didn’t ask me. 3 hours later, It was the same deal ,but something was up with him. He was really quiet.. which is how he got when he was nervous or shy about something. Getting him to talk was like getting teeth pulled when he was like that. Finally..3 hours later.. He goes.. Okay.. I have to ask you this. I was like.. “Okay..Shoot.” This was about the billionth time..lol This time he asked me his question.. “Tiffany.. Would you mind if I called you?” I wasn’t expecting that,but I was happy. Sure. I answered as calmly as I could. I gave him my phone number and told him he was welcome to call me. He says “Okay.. but I have to tell you this before I call.. I go okay. He told me that This phone call may be the only call he could make to me. I told him I understood and that I was just grateful for the opportunity. He also told me that his voice would be low. Meaning the volume of it. He wasn’t kidding either. Whisper fit him.. sometimes, He’d talk so low that you could barely hear him at all. An hour later, He told me he was ready to call me.. I got off my computer and waited with my heart pounding in my chest.
My phone rang, and I picked it up. I said hello.. and I heard him. He was kind of giggling softly. So, I asked him.. “How are you?” I was wanting a normal conversation with him.. lol. He told me he was fine and asked me how I was.. I told him.. and then.. I couldn’t speak..lol The love I had felt for Michael in the chat room the first day I had met Whisper came back. I was drowing in the love I was feeling in my heart. So..He goes..”Well,Aren’t you going to talk to me?” I laughed and apologized to him. I explained to him that it was just that I had been waiting to speak to him for so long and that I was just so happy to finally have the chance to hear his voice. He said “Tiffany, There’s something I have to tell you. I’m holding you so close in my arms right now, and There’s something I want you to know..Something I want you to hear from me and nobody else..Tiffany.. He paused.. I love you.” I wanted to cry. I said back to him.. “I love you,too Michael Jackson.” We spent four hours on that phone. It was pure magic. I didn’t believe I could love somebody this much. As the conversation was ending though.. He told me.. I’m gonna try to call you again, but Tiffany..I don’t know if I can.. and If I do call again, I can’t call often. It’s gonna get me in trouble if I do.” I said “Michael, It’s okay. I am just grateful to be with you right now. I know you do the best you can. I love you ,and I’m really blessed to have you in my life.” He said.. “Oh god..I love you. I have to go ,and I don’t want to. I don’t want to say goodbye…” It was torture for us to have to hang up the phone from one another ,but We did. Ever have a conversation where You tell somebody goodbye…and then wait for the person to hang up? We did that about four times before hanging up. Lol Of Course..He called again. And kept calling me..lol He would say to me.. “What am I doing? I can’t keep calling you. I just want to hear your voice though. I can’t stay away.” I didn’t want to cause him any trouble. He seemed helpless though. Sometimes, He would call me and not say anything. You’d hear loud music in the background. It was usually classical music. You’d hear people around. I got used to him doing this to the point that when it would happen, I’d simply say to him.. “Hey Michael.. I love you and miss you so much.” The phone would go dead then. Once.. he called and You could hear people cheering and yelling in the background. It wasn’t American voices I heard. It was foreign I strained to catch what they were shouting..I finally understood. They were shouting “MICHAEL!! MICHAEL!!” I heard him giggle and then hang up. Our relationship on the phone was a lot like it was on the internet. We’d talk about how we loved and admired one another all the time. It was beautiful ,but I once joked around with him that If people could only hear us, They’d think we must be corny or something. He laughed and said “I know, but I don’t care.” We laughed. I told him.. “I think what we got here,Michael, is a mutual admiration society..” and I’ll be damned.. lol There came out a magazine about Michael and Elizabeth Taylor’s relationship. In fact, It is the same magazine Michael sent me. In the interview,Michael Jackson says “Elizabeth Taylor and I are in a “Mutual admiration Society..” When he called me later that day, I laughed at him.. I told him.. “Hey,Nice interview there Michael.. I really enjoyed it. I just have one comment to you.. Stop stealing my lines!! Get your own!!” He laughed at me. One night, He tells me.. “Give me a kiss..” I laugh.. “Um,Michael.. you want me to give you a kiss over the phone?” He replied “Yes, I want you to kiss me over the phone.” So..I look at the phone and I gave an air kiss. I got back on and was like.. “How was that?” I was laughing. He replied.. “Good. Now Give me a real kiss..” So, I decided to give it a good try. I don’t know what to say here. Michael had a way of making you feel as though he were right there with you and surrounding you.. The kiss felt real between us.. and the kisses between us got to the point. He’d call me and We wouldn’t even say hello.. We’d just start kissing.
As I said before.. Not everything was wine and roses. My daughter and Michael were my life. I was completely devoted to both and gave them both all I could. Sometimes though, I could wring Michael’s neck. We’d be on IM and He’d go.. “Hey Tiff.. Let’s go into the chat for a few.” I’d go..”Okay..Cool.” We’d get in there ,and I’d sit there for two hours with pretty much no conversation with him. He’d flirt openly with the girls in front of me. I’d get pissed off. I tried going to friends for advice. They’d tell me.. “Hon,You must understand here. He’s Michael Jackson. Being in the chat gives him the opportunity to interact with his fans. He wants you there for support. You can’t be jealous or You’re gonna lose him. The most important thing is he comes back to you. He loves you. So many would kill to be in your shoes right now.” This would leave me doubting myself and I’d always be examining myself and my feelings. I didn’t think I was jealous. I didn’t care if he went into the chat. I didn’t care if he hung out with his friends or anything. He did. I wasn’t even allowed to have a man as a friend. For me, It was an issue of MANNERS. My time was just as valuable as his. I had a very sick child on my hands. To me, It would be like taking your girlfriend to a party,sitting her in a corner while you went mingling with other people and suggestively dancing on the floor with another woman in front of her.. and Then, When the evening was over, go.. “Well, I had a great time. Ready to go?” I wanted respect just like Whisper did. Still..because I doubted myself, I’d hide how I felt inside. One night, We were on IM together ,and He goes.. “Hang on.I’ll be right back.” This wasn’t unusual. He often had business to attend to and would take care of it and come back. Two hours later, No Michael. I just had this feeling inside. So, I entered the chat room underneath a different name. Sure enough, Whisper was there.. and so was T. Her last message in the chat was.. “Waiting for SOMEBODY to call me..” I pmed him and asked him. “So,Are you having fun here?” He responded “Do I know you?” I replied.. “Oh How quickly we forget..It’s Tiffany. Your supposed girlfriend. Do you remember me now? I’m the girl who has been sitting at her damn computer for two hours waiting on your ass ,and I find you in here. Go ahead and make your phone call. SHE’S waiting on you now. Go have fun now.. and Have a nice life.” I turned off my computer. I didn’t wait for a reply from him. I was so furious that I smashed something against the wall. It broke. Lol A couple of minutes later, My phone began ringing. I refused to answer it. He wouldn’t stop calling. I even picked up the phone and slammed it back down. He STILL kept calling me. He wasn’t going to leave me alone. So,I answered the phone.. like “What the hell do you want? I think I made myself perfectly clear here that I wanted you to leave me alone.” He was like.. “Please Tiffany.. I’m begging you to let me explain. Please let me explain. That’s all I ask for. “ I’m like “Fine..What bullshit you gonna tell me this time,Michael?” It was bullshit,too. Lol He told me his IM shut down and wouldn’t allow him to log on. Now, That part wasn’t bullshit. The instant messaging service was crap when they first came out with them. Lol You’d get cut off often or something else would mess up. So, I could understand that. The rest though.. Bullshit. He told me when he saw he couldn’t log on to the IM, He went into the chat room to look for me. By this time, The chat room had gotten pretty bad. He had written me an e-mail telling me he wasn’t going back there and asked me not to go in there either. I had pretty much done as he asked, and I wasn’t going in there very much anymore. Now..IM doesn’t work. He knows I’m not going into the chat much.His Computer is working.. My IM is working. He wants to find me. Try an E-MAIL.. I would have gotten it instantly as soon as he sent it to me. Better yet..Pick up a DAMN phone. I brought this up to him just as I typed it to you..lol. He paused and then says to me.. “I was going to ,but Because I went into the chat and Tay was in there, She insisted I give her my attention ,and I couldn’t pull away.” Like DUH..Did the man ever hear of multitasking?” lol The part about T I also believed. T was a work of art. My other friends were cool. We were all friends and all of us spent time with Michael. T, however, demanded his attention and was a drama queen. It got worse when she found out Michael and I were a couple. She’d brag to me if he would send her an e-mail or gave her a call. I’d keep my mouth shut ,and Tell her I was happy for her. I mean, Here I was with Michael calling me more than once a day and e-mailing me more than once a day. He was in constant contact with me. It was like she wanted to prove to me how important she was to Michael. He’d call her once in a blue moon and e-mail her maybe once every two weeks..lol Why? Because he could barely stand her privately. He’d make fun of her to me behind her back. She got so wrapped up in Michael Jackson’s image..especially the Heal The World thing. Yeah,Michael CARED but He didn’t want to sit there and talk about it over and over again. Then,She was coming up with certain ideas that her and Michael could do together in public. Uh-huh. Sure T. Great Idea hon. Keep dreamin’ lol It got worse. She began to notice when I was coming online, and She’d purposely be right there every single time because she knew Michael would be there. We could barely get a word to one another because she was in the middle of it. One night, I got pissed. This is about two weeks of this happening. I got an idea. I would show her exactly how much Michael really gave her attention. We were all writing e-mails back and forth to one another. Michael was kind of complaining like.. “Tiff..I really do want to write you back here ,but T keeps e-mailing me and I can barely keep up with her!” So I write him this e-mail.. I was like.. “That’s too bad,Michael. Cause I really miss you right now. I keep thinking about you and how good you feel when you are with me. The way you cause me to tremble with your warm sweet kisses on my skin. I love feeling you surround me..so deep inside me.. I can hardly contain my desire for you.” He was like..”Um.. Tiffany…Are you sure? Do you really want me?” I wrote him back like..” I’m always wanting you,Michael. I need to taste you so deeply and to feel the warmth of your breath on my skin.” I went on and on until finally he was like.. Okay., I’m gone. Be by the phone. It took me about five minutes of e-mailing him like that.
I gave him what he wanted too. I got him so worked up he was breathing heavy when he called me and we started right then and there. Afterwards, He was like “What got into you? I had called this morning and We had been together then. I didn’t think you’d want this so soon. I said..”I don’t know,Michael..I just started thinking about you and got turned on.” He laughed..”Think of me more often then…Damn girl, I thought you were joking at first..I would have been seriously pissed,too. If you had been. I was getting so excited because of what you were saying to me..and I had to get rid of T. I just up and left her.”
T was all upset. Lol She kept trying to call me ,and I wouldn’t answer her. She couldn’t get to Michael..and Finally, I told Michael.. “Look. I have to get rid of this girl. I’m gonna tell her that we broke up. I’m tired of dealing with her.” Michael replied “Do what you think is best,Tiff.” So, I did tell her exactly that. Her reaction? “Well,What does this mean for me?” Such a class act. Lol
Things were worse than that. People in my life..They knew something was going on. They didn’t know what though. On a Saturday night, I told my mom..”Mom,I’m gonna take my daughter to church so that she can play with other kids and have fun.” We had been invited to go ,and I just thought that it was a great opportunity for my daughter to be like a normal child.
I walked into my home after the service and saw several messages beeping on my phone. My mom saw an opportunity to get into my apartment when I was gone. She knew I wouldn’t be there ,and I had given her a key to the apartment for emergencies. She called me once to make sure I wasn’t home. Her next call was to inform me she had just been in my apartment and had went into my bedroom and read my journal. I was to call her immediately when I got back home. I did so and pretty much went off on her. Before I knew it, Her and my stepfather were in my apartment. They knew everything. “So,You’re speaking to who you think is Michael Jackson,Right?” I wouldn’t answer them. They were like “Tiffany,That doesn’t make sense. What in the hell would Michael Jackson want with you?” “Where would he get the time? You know there are dangerous people out there online. What if this guy hurts you and Michaela?
And Of course.. “We want to talk to him. If he is Michael Jackson,He should have no problem in speaking with us ,and We won’t tell anybody.. blah blah blah..” They told me that they would be picking me up the next day and taking me to the mental health place. They felt I needed psychatric care.” Well, I told Michael what happened. I guess I had expected that he would stand up for me. That he wouldn’t want to see me hospitalized because of this situation. His reaction was.. “Hell No,I’m not speaking to them. Tell them that you met somebody in the chat room that at the time you thought was Michael Jackson, but You know is now an imposter.” So, I explained to him..They had read the whole journal. And I told him of their plans for the next day. What did he do? Absolutely nothing. He could have spoken to them. He didn’t. I went to that emergency appointment. I was lucky. I got a therapist who got pissed off at my mother. She was like..”Excuse me? So,Your daughter was away from her home ,and You went in and invaded her privacy by reading her private journal? I don’t think I want to hear anything more here. You had no right to do that to her.” My mom responded “Maybe so..but You don’t understand. She’s going on the internet and speaking to somebody she thinks is Michael Jackson. I think she’s obsessed here, The therapist looked at my mother “Look. As long as your daughter isn’t a danger to herself or others, She can believe whatever she wants to. For centuries,People believed that the earth was flat and was in the middle of the universe. They didn’t get put in psychatric wards for it ,even though later, They found out what they believed was wrong. As long as this person isn’t a threat to her or her daughter, She can believe he’s Michael Jackson if she wants to. The worst that can happen is she’ll find out she’s wrong.” The therapist ended the session, and I was driven home. I went home and Michael was right there online waiting me. He had left messages to me like.. “Please..Come back to me. “ I typed him a message telling him I was back ,and He instantly gave me a call. He was crying and saying to me.. “Oh thank god you came back! I was so upset. I was sick all day and couldn’t work. I kept thinking of you and praying.” I knew he meant it ,but I just felt distant from him in a way. To me, I felt like..Just one damn phone call from you and I wouldn’t of even had to go through this.” It got worse. The nurses saw his gifts, flowers, and money.. and the one..The one who came up with the name Gabriel.. They called Children’s Services on me, and I was investigated. They were successful in getting my daughter removed from my home. I didn’t do anything when I got home from court that day. Michael called me. He said “Hi Precious..What’s up?” I couldn’t even speak to him. I just started crying my eyes out. He asked me..”Tiffany,What’s wrong? Talk to me..” All I could say was.. “They took Michaela from me. My baby is gone.” He asked me “Who took Michaela?” I told him “Child protective services did.” He said to me.. “It’s okay,baby..We’ll get our angel back..Please don’t cry.” I couldn’t help it. Michaela is my life. After a few minutes, He said quietly..”Tiffany,May I ask you something?” I took a deep breath ,and I was like “Go ahead..” He then said.. “Tiffany, Would you give me the honor of being my wife?” I was stunned. I didn’t see that coming. We hadn’t even met. I wanted to ,but When I had the chance to go to him..He turned me down. He didn’t want me to come to him. I took his proposal as a promise..that I’d get Michaela back and we’d work to become a family..even if it had to be secret. I loved him with all of my heart too. So,I accepted his proposal.”
Things began to change between Whisper and me though.. Not for the good either. My daughter was gone. I had to fight for six months to get her back. She had to have another open heart surgery during that time. I donated my blood for her because we had the same blood type. Anyway..The foster parents and me were sitting in the surgeon’s office and They were asking all types of questions. One question they asked him was.. “How long does she have to live?” Now, I figured if they fixed her heart problems,She could live to be a old lady. I wasn’t prepared for the doctor to say “Well,Because of all her problems, Her life expectancy is cut in half. We give her to about age 25 or 26 to live. However, We are developing new technology all the time..so Who knows? We may be able to grow her a new heart by the time she reaches that age ,and Michaela is such a fighter. She’s shocked us this far. So,Don’t give up hope.” I wanted to cry when he said that. Michaela already fought so hard every single day just to be a little girl and live. So strong, She’d play even when she was sick and you could hear her wheezing across the room. She was used to being sick ,and She wouldn’t accept it as an excuse to lay around and do nothing. She wanted to keep going. Often, I had to make her rest. I made a determination in my heart and mind that my daughter will live past their limit for her. I often joke that when she turns 30 ,and I’m 60..I’m gonna throw a huge celebration and She’s not going to know why.
Michaela is 11 years old now. She is very delayed. She has a very limited vocabulary ,and is sort of like a 5 year old in some things. She loves Elmo. She loves Dora. She loves her swing and going to school. She loves trees so much that she hugs them. And Books. She learns more and more ,and I am amazed at her. She’s my happy thought and my miracle.
Whisper was becoming more distant towards me. I didn’t feel as if I could open up with him about how I felt inside anymore. Once, I had to pry him off of me with a crowbar. He couldn’t go without me. At the point we had come to in our relationship, If I told him I had to leave, He’d be like.. “Fine..See you later.” He’d call me but fall asleep..It used to be that he couldn’t sleep without me and he loved to wake up and hear my voice. We’d both go to sleep on the phone and wake up together. He’d say.. “Hey Sweetness..” and kiss me.. and I’d kiss him back and say “Hey you..Did you sleep well?” Not anymore. He told me.. “If I go to sleep,Hang up.” These things hurt me. More and more, It was like he didn’t care. The only thing left was the stories. I was on IM with him one day and He was like “Hey you..What you up to?” I told him I was web surfing Michael Jackson fan sites. I told him that I was reading MJ fan fiction. He was like “Oh My God..I hate those things. The things they come up with and put my name to. It’s sick.” Jokingly, I said to him.. “I bet you wouldn’t think that way if I came up with a story..” He replied to me..”You write?” I replied.. “I never have wrote a story before ,but I guess I could try.” He was like.. “I’m interested in this. Please..Try for me.” So,I came up with this story. I liked it ,but I was nervous about it. I sent it to him though. He was thrilled with it. So much so that he wanted me to read it back to him because he wanted to hear my voice speaking it. Please write more..He asked me. So,I did. He would call me and ask me.. “So,Do you have a story for me?” I usually did. In the beginning, It wasn’t hard for me to do. As I said, He became distant towards me..and I didn’t really know what was going on. I knew he was under a lot of pressure. That’s about it. I’d want to talk to him heart to heart, but He’d be like “You’re not to be touched by this.” He didn’t want me to know. It was like he wanted us to have our own world together. He valued my advice though and would follow it. Again, Whatever I suggested he do, Michael Jackson would do in public. For example, There was a tabloid story that came up. I told him about it and he was like..”Oh God..I don’t want them talking about that. It’s nobody’s business. I don’t want them focusing on that. Now, The story was the top discussion at the KOP message board. It was from Ted Casablanca,who reported that Michael went to a plastic surgery clinic in New York. Of course, The fans were like.. “Why the hell is he doing this for? Why won’t he leave himself alone? They didn’t understand that some of his surgery,He had to have. It was unavoidable. This was one of those situations. It was the back of his scalp where he had been burned. He told me he was going bald and they had to keep doing skin graphs. He actually called me on the operating table. You could hear these professial foreign people speaking in the background.. I thought his procedure was over with. He was scared and he told me.. “No,They’re still doing it. I’m here and They’re working on me. My heart went to him..I tried to comfort him the best I could. Anyway.. Back to the tabloid ish.. He asked me “Tiffany,What should I do?” I really don’t want the fans talking about this.” Now, Here I am. I ain’t a PR person. I’m just a girl from a small town here. I was glad he valued my opinion ,but damn.. I didn’t know what to do. I got an idea then. I told him.. “Michael,Bury the story.” He was like..”What do you mean?” I told him..”Come up with a story about your new album. I don’t care if it’s true or not..Use the mysterious “sources” say line.. and spread it. Within the hour, A story came up about Michael’s new album and a possible single being released soon. Of course, I knew better. Michael was hard at work on it ,but He was far from getting anything released from it. My idea worked. I went back on the board to check and that tabloid story was pushed back so much it wasn’t even on the main page anymore. People were too busy buzzing about his new album. Michael thanked me for my help. He kept asking me for ideas.. and I would tell him my opinion on things.. Often though, He’d take what I would say and blow it up huge.. to the point it really wasn’t what I meant. The TRL thing and New York signing of Invincible. My idea..lol Just not as I intended it. I told him… “Michael, You really need to stop just giving interviews here with journalists who are just out to get ratings and make you look bizarre. Get out among your fans and talk to them more. They want to hear from you. So, He turns around and comes up with going on TRL and the Virgin megastore signing. I often meant things on a smaller scale. A more intimate setting. He’d go full steam ahead. I was proud of him for what he did..but When the TRL and signing was over, He called me crying on the phone. He hated it. He had his pride here. He told me..”I’m not going to beg them,Tiffany. I refuse to.” We stopped going to the chat room because of a dangerous situation that had happened there. A girl by the name Karolien began speaking to Whisper. The girl was a certified nut case. I remember the first time she spoke to me. She accused me of helping an imposter spread his lies..Now,She did this without really believing Whisper was an imposter. She just said that to try to pump information from me because she heard Whisper and I were close. Get her story.. She had met Michael Jackson in real life. She had went to some awards show where he was. Since her friends were MJ fans. They had banners..and gave her one to hold. Michael came up to his fans and noticed her banner.. “That’s a beatiful banner..” He told her and gave her a hug. That was it. She became obsessed with Michael Jackson. She didn’t even know his songs really well or knew anything about him. From that moment though,She became convinced that her and Michael were destined to be together. That he would look into her eyes and fall deeply in love with her. Then, She went into the chat room and began speaking with Whisper. The situation escalated out of control. She kept trying to get me to talk ,but I kept my mouth shut. I wouldn’t tell her a damn thing except “Leave me and my friends the hell alone.” It even got to the point where I went public in the chatroom about her harassment of me. I said bluntly..”This wack job thinks I know Michael Jackson and that he comes in here. She won’t leave me the hell alone!” The chat laughed her right out of the room. One night, Whisper called me and asked me to come into the chat room with him. A meeting had been arranged between him and this girl to discuss this matter and he wanted me there. Of course, I went in under a different name than she knew. During the discussion, I’d send him encouraging messages ,but I told him “Michael, You got to cut off contact with her hon. This girl is dangerous.” I reminded him of the things she had done so far. Later on, He thanked me. He told me.. “She’s so convincing that I almost gave in ,but Just as I was about to..I got your message reminding me of what she was doing ,and You kept me strong. Thank you so much,Tiffany. I really appreciate you.” Michael Jackson was scheduled to attend this meeting overseas. The fans knew of it and planned on being there. It was a business meeting ,but With public knowledge of the meeting, Of course fans were going to give him their support. On the day before the meeting, I get this urgent e-mail.
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Post by xscape on Feb 28, 2010 12:19:03 GMT -5
Journal Continued
Michael Jackson was scheduled to attend this meeting overseas. The fans knew of it and planned on being there. It was a business meeting ,but With public knowledge of the meeting, Of course fans were going to give him their support. On the day before the meeting, I get this urgent e-mail from one of this girl’s friends..Karolien was going to that meeting and she had determined that she was going to get Michael’s attention. If he didn’t respond as she wanted him to, She was going to kill him. She had bought a gun and was all packed and ready to go to this meeting. The girl sending me the e-mail was pleading with me to tell Whisper. Scared, I did all I could to reach him. I couldn’t though. He came online later that day. “Tiffany,What’s going on here?” I just got on and there’s like a million e-mail messages for me I haven’t read yet. Tell me what is everybody upset about? So,I told him what was going on. He was to leave in a few hours to go overseas. At first, He was like.. “Tiffany,My security will protect me. I’ll be okay. I have to go.” The next day, He was supposed to show up for this thing. I talked to him in the morning ,and I pleaded with him.. “Cancel this,Michael..Please. It’s not worth the risk. “ He was torn. His fans had spent money and was taking their time to be there to see him. He hated to let them down in any way. I said to him.. “Look Michael.. You have 3 children who love you. Friends and family who love you and need you. I love you more than anything ,and Your fans love you that I know they wouldn’t want you shot and killed. If you go, You’re not only putting your life on the line ,but You are also putting them in danger.” I was crying and pleading with him. What I said worked though. He quietly replied “Okay,Tiffany. I’ll cancel.” The announcement was made 15 minutes later that the meeting had been canceled. The backlash was instant. His fans got pissed off royally at him and went to the message boards to judge him so harshly for what he had done. He pleaded with me..”Tiffany,Please help them to understand why I had to do as I did. Please help me.” He felt so bad about it. I did all I could do to help him. I told the fans over and over again.. “Hey people..You don’t know why he canceled here. He may have had a very good reason. Stop thinking of yourselves and give this man at least a chance to explain himself if he can. It isn’t like this was a concert here. It was a business meeting. These things get canceled. When you go,You take that risk. Don’t go blaming him for your own actions.
As for Lisa Marie,He just didn’t trust her. He felt that she was playing head games with him ,and He wanted no part of it. He told me “She says she loves me but Then winds up with a new boyfriend to try and make me jealous.” He spoke about the last time they were together as a married couple. He told me this several times. He was in a hotel room trying to recover from being sick when Lisa came to visit. He was hoping she had changed her mind about divorcing him ,but That’s not why she was there. She was there because she wanted him to make love to her. She told him she needed to feel him inside of her one last time. He told me “I was so weak and sick ,but I never could deny her. I gave her what she wanted.” He also talked about her always being around..Around his mom and Janet. Once the other phone in Michael’s room rang. He answered.. “Yes?” I then heard him laugh and say “I don’t think so..I have to go. I have somebody on the other line.” He told the other person that he loved them,and That was it. When he came back on the line with me, He told me “That was Janet. She and Lisa want me to go out with them tonight. I’m not stupid. It’s hard telling what those two would have in store for me. I would rather stay with you.” I knew Lisa was around him a lot. I felt like I was no competition for her. She was in his life. I was on the internet. Once he was on IM with me and going on and on about her to the point, I got a little upset. I finally spoke up and said to him :Look Michael, It’s obvious to me you still have deep feelings for her. If you want to be with her, You should go ahead and do so. I want you to be happy. “ I told him that I was getting off the computer. After a couple of moments, He said quietly “Can I ask you a question?” I sat there and sighed. “Sure Michael..Ask me.” He asked me.. “Can I call you?” I almost told him no. I told him to go ahead though. So,The phone rang and I answered it. I barely got a chance to say Hello. He was kissing me wildly and telling me how much he loved me and how silly I was… how he could never leave me.
He really didn't like cilla..lol He felt she was one of the main causes of his relationship ending with Lisa. “Lisa began listening to everybody else instead of listening to me, her husband. He loved her but He didn’t trust her..It was like “Look,If you love me, Don’t play head games with me. Just be with me.” That’s why he wouldn’t go back with her completely. As for Debbie, He wouldn’t say much about her. The most I got out of him was he felt she had taken advantage of him and He didn’t love her. I remember when they got a divorce. People were telling me “Tiffany,You’re next.” I would just shake my head and tell them I didn’t want to even go there assuming that. Michael later told me that I gave him the strength to get out of that situation because he wasn’t happy but He felt trapped in it. I wanted to be with him and meet him. I spent 3 years wanting that so much..even if I couldn’t be close to him and had to settle for just being in the same room with him. I’d cry at night because it hurt so much. Like I told you earlier, I had a chance to come see him. I could actually get to him ,and That was rare for me. I can’t drive because of blindness. Somebody always has to drive me around. But, I got somebody who was willing to take me to him. When I told him about it, He got very quiet. I could tell by how he was acting he didn’t want me to come. So, I replied.. “You don’t want me to come,Do you?” He responded “No. I’m very sorry.” My heart was shattered in two ,but I was in front of somebody. So,I blew it off in front of them and told Michael that it was okay..He was probably busy ,and We’d plan something else. It really hurt me though.
Before the MSG concerts were announced..Michael called me at like 4 in the morning lol. He was like. There’s an announcement coming up and I want you to read it. I’m like Okay…I thought he’d let me go back to sleep. No dice. Lol We both waited for it ,and When it came..I was happy for him. I said… “I’m sure you’ll knock them dead,Michael.” I was still sleepy and wanted to get back to it. What he said next though shocked me and made me very happy. “Would you like to come?” He asked me. He didn’t have to ask me twice. I accepted his invitation. He also told me to invite the girl that was my best friend..I’ll call her Sis cause I considered her like a sister to me. She was up and was like “OMG,Tiffany did you hear the news?” I smiled and told her that I had. Then, I asked her.. “Would you like to go? We’ve been invited to go by Michael himself.” She about jumped out of her skin. “Are you kidding me?? Hell Yes, I’ll go with you,Tiffany.” We were both beside ourselves in happiness. Michael wanted me to stay at the Four Seasons hotel and wanted me to have the best room. He was having me check into airlines and such. I couldn’t believe it.
However, Michaela had a doctor’s appointment. I took her to it and was informed she needed more open heart surgery. It couldn’t be put off. So, I asked them when they wanted to do this. Of course, Their nearest opening was on the day I was supposed to go to the concert. I had no choice but to tell Michael and Sis that I couldn’t go. My daughter was more important. Sis could have still went ,but She chose not to out of loyality to me. I tried to get her to go ,but She told me “Tiffany,It wouldn’t be the same without you there.”
The problem with Michaela’s heart was that it was outgrowing the equipment they had placed in her in order to keep her alive. They had to fix it or She would just keep getting sicker and weaker. There were two options they had. One choice would be easier on her body but It would require more surgery in the future. The other option was harder on her physically ,but It would require less surgery in the future. The surgeon wanted to go with option two for Michaela’s sake ,but He told me.. “She’s so fragile and her body has been through so much. I don’t know if she can physically be up to it.” Four hours into the surgery, The nurse came out to tell me they had complications. Her heart had so much scar tissue that it actually grew on her breast bone. They had to work through that. I asked the nurse.. “Do they know what they are going to do with her? The nurse said.. “Not yet hon. We will let you know when he does know.” She went back to the operating room. 6 hours passed. The nurse came out.. “The doctor made his decision. He’s worried ,but Michaela is doing such a good job holding strong that the doctor said a prayer and said “Let’s go ahead and do the second option to help this little girl. This will be better for her in the long run.” The nurse told us to cross our fingers and pray for Michaela. She didn’t have to ask. We were already doing so.
The operation ended and we could go see Michaela. She was waking by this time..but She was lying in the bed with a ventilator on and a huge tube draining excess fluid from her in her stomach. I saw her and I had to leave the room quickly. I was sobbing “My little girl..God..Why her? Why did this happen to her?” With all her open heart surgeries, There was a 3 day waiting period to see if she would even survive what was done to her. My mom came out and wrapped an arm around me. “Tiffany, You have to stay strong for her. She doesn’t know what’s going on ,and If she sees you upset, It’s going to make her really upset. She needs you,Tiffany.” I took a deep breath and went back into the room where she was. I was looking down at her and gently stroking her hair. I was telling her how much I loved her and how proud I was of her..That she was such a big girl. Suddenly, I heard my mother break out in tears behind me. Michaela looked so small with all these tubes and wires connected to her. I stayed with her until I had to get some sleep. I wouldn’t leave her. 24 hours passed and they were ready to take the ventilator out.They had to make sure she could breathe on her own though. She passed the test and got that tube out of her throat. The last thing was tough. They had to remove that tube from her chest that was draining excess fluid. She was lying there in her bed looking up at me. They came and told me it was time to remove the tube and asked me if I wanted to stay. There was no way I was leaving my little girl. They said to me.. “You won’t get sick,Will you? I told them.. “I’m not even paying attention to you. I’m trying to help my daughter.” They told me that Michaela had to be still for this. No sudden movements. Michaela had such a limited vocabulary and I wondered.. “Okay,How do I get through to her?” I was stroking her hair and telling her what a brave little girl she was. They went to remove the first stitch and Michaela jerked a little. The person doing this looked at me.. “I don’t know if this is possible..She really can’t move.” So,I looked at her and said.. “Michaela.. “Good Owie..” You have to stay still..This is a good owie.” She looked at me and I could see it in her eyes.. She understood me. She knew that an “owie” was a wound or pain.. She knew good meant it was good. The rest of the time, She lay there and didn’t move a muscle. She let me sing her songs and stroke her hair. When it was over, I gave her a huge hug. She went through things that was hard for most adults. I told her I was so proud of her and That she was a good girl.” Slowly, She was recovering but there was a problem.. Her heart rate kept going down. The doctors held a meeting and decided they didn’t want to have to do another surgery a couple months later if her heart didn’t recover. Next thing I knew, She was back in the OR for another surgery to put a pace maker in her heart. When Michael had time, He would call the hospital and talk to me. He would ask me how Michaela was doing and wanted kept up to date about her condition. He sent me money in order to survive up there while Michaela was mending. He wanted to make sure that we were both okay. He would tell me “ I love you both so much. Please give my little angel a kiss and hug.”
As for his family.. I got to talk to little Prince once. He wanted to get on the phone and Michael put him on.. He said.. “Hiii..” to me. I said back to him “Hi! I heard Michael say to him “Tell her you love her.” Prince goes “I love you.” It was adorable. Then, He told me “Bye!” Michael and I both laughed. Michael told me that he had shown a picture of Michaela to his mother. She asked Michael who it was and Michael told her.. “This is a picture of a little girl from one of my fans..Her name is Michaela and She’s very special. Michael went on to explain about Michaela to his mom who said “She’s beautiful. Bless her little heart.”
Janet..Michael mentioned her several times. He really didn’t talk of his brothers. I don’t recall a conversation where they were even mentioned. Once, Janet had come to a city close to me on her world tour. I hadn’t heard anything about it until the day before the concert. I told Michael..”Hey Michael, Your sister Janet is very close to me right now on tour. “ He told me.. “Good. Tell her to return my luggage she borrowed from me!” and he laughed. I laughed too. I could just see myself walkiing up to her security and going.. “Um, Can I speak to Janet? Her brother Michael has a message for her..He wants her to return his luggage…” Uh-huh.. lol
One year, I was sitting in my living room when my phone rang. I told the Nurse’s aide to get it. She did and it turns out it was UPS.. They had a delivery for me and were coming down from another city to give it to me. They wanted directions. I’m lucky she knew how to give them. I was clueless to that type of stuff. I had to sign for the things.. and The moment they brought the things in ,I could smell Michael. I knew who it was from instantly because sweet perfume hit my nose instantly. The aide looked at me because not only was this duffel bag brought in but several boxes that had a DVD player and a laptop in them. Not to mention a box full of DVD’s. You would have thought it was Christmas at my house. My phone rang the instant the men left. “Did you get my package?” Michael asked me. It was like he knew exactly when I was supposed to get this. I took the duffel bag into my room to open it. It had gifts in it from EuroDisney for Michaela. It had some coins in it. It had a huge Michael Jackson poster in it and several pictures of Michael in it. There was a red shirt in it. He had put gum in the pocket. To this day, The shirt was so starched that the neck is still stiff as well as the ends of the sleeves. I even wore it when I wanted to feel him close to me. There were bottles of perfume in there. The perfume he wore. Some were foreign so I couldn’t tell you what they were but One was a huge bottle of CK. There was something odd about the package though. Michael was laughing because he as enjoying me looking through each of what he put in the duffel bag and loving him for every gift he gave me. However, There was this tiny black bag in there.. I opened it up and discovered pads one uses when applying make up, a toothbrush.. There was also a book there with a book mark. When I asked him about this, He was like “OMG..THAT’S where it went.I have been looking all over for my kit. When I get packed though, There’s so much that they mix things up sometimes. The person packing thought your bag was just another that was supposed to go to me. We both laughed. I asked him “Well, Do you want it back?” He laughed “No No.. It’s okay Tiff. He paused.. That was my favorite toothbrush though..” He laughed. I looked at the toothbrush. It was well worn..lol I told him “I can tell..” and laughed. He told me he’d be right back ,and He was. “Um..Tiff?” He said to me.. “I was like “Yes,Michael?” He said “I have to ask you an embarressing question.” I was like “Go ahead,Michael..” He paused but said “Is there any underwear in that duffel bag?” My heart about skipped a beat. I looked and told him “No,Michael..None of your drawers are in here.” And I laughed. He breathed a sigh of relief..”Oh thank god.. I would have been so embaressed!” I told him.. “Yeah, but I’m disappointed. I WISH your underwear was in here.” We both laughed. He got me so much and I was touched. One thing he got me was this watch.. It had black diamonds all around it. It came in this beautiful oak box. I was stunned. I wore that watch almost all the time. There is a picture of Michael Jackson out there who went to a party and wore a similar watch to it. He did that on purpose, He told me..So that I would know..” Michael and I had a relationship where we kind of read each other’s minds. So many times, We knew what the other was thinking or feeling without even being together. I remember once.. I was in the car with Michaela after having seen her doctor. It would be an hour’s drive before we got home. I sat back and stroked Michaela’s hair. I kept thinking to myself.. “God, I miss Michael. I wonder what he’s doing now?” Suddenly, My pager went off. I couldn’t get the message though. To complicate matters,My parents decided they wanted to take Michaela and me out for lunch. We reached the restaurant and I was able to get to the phone. I almost dropped the phone. It was a message from Michael. “Miss me,Baby?” He asked me and then hung up.When I told him what had happened later on.. He told me.. “Yeah, I felt like you did. I didn’t know but I just had this feeling and decided to leave you message. I didn’t even know what I was gonna say to you.” These things happened often between us.
The chat was shut down permanately This was actually good because it really got bad in there. It left one problem though. “Where could Michael go to interact with his fans and feel safe?” I came up with an idea. I decided to create a message board that he could go to in order to interact with them and read what they were up to. At the time, The only real message board was the KOP. MJJC had just started and wasn’t very popular. There was Kingdom ,but It was a joke and always stealing off others. One more popular one had just shut down. It just seemed like a cool idea. Together, Sis, I, and another friend worked hard on creating this message board. I had no knowledge of web design or html. I learned as I went along. Lol We would stay up until late at night and start early the next day for about a week. I wanted to surprise Whisper. However, Me and Sis were in a chat with him one night ,and He blew up at me right in front of her. “I KNOW you’re up to something ,and I don’t appreciate you going behind my back and doing something. You’ve been busy at something ,and You’d better tell me what you’re doing. Otherwise, I’m done. I’ll leave.” Sis tried to tell him.. “Look,Michael, She isn’t doing anything wrong here. She has a surpise for you soon ,and She’s trying to get it finished.” Michael replied “She knows what the deal is here. If this is for me, She can let me see it now. Otherwise, I am leaving and I won’t be back.” I told sis.. “It’s okay..He wants to see it.. Let him see it. He’d be seeing it sooner or later anyway.” Sis did get kind of upset at him though but She got over it. Anyway, I showed him the message board. We based it on the Short film “Ghosts..” and called it Mystery Ghosts. We took on Ghostly user names. I was Mysterious Ghost. Lol They called me Mysty.. for short. Michael saw the board and loved it. In the beginning, We had a lot of fun. It was a warm and loving place to go to. We were joking around a lot..We welcomed everybody who came and offered them “Cookies and Coffee..” That was a tribute to the fact that Sis loved cookies and The other friend, Who went as Espresso Ghost.. Loved of course.. coffee..lol We’d do that ,and The people would go.. “Oh yeah..I love cookies!” and we told everybody we had a huge kitchen and a cookie jar to meet everybody’s cookie addiction.. There was only one problem though.. Michael Jackson kept taking all the damn cookies! Lol I’d write these fake interviews that were supposedly between Michael and myself and No matter what we were discussing.. He would take the cookies. I’d catch him with a mouthful of cookies and be like.. “Miiichael..You wouldn’t happen to know what happened to my cookies do you? And I’d write Michael as giving me a innocent look and saying with his mouth full of cookies.. “It wasn’t me. I don’t know what you’re talking about..” He’d run off with the cookie jar..lol When whisper decided to post on the board, He’d take the cookie jar and say in a post..*Running off with the cookie jar* Ha ha.. They’re all MINE! Try and catch me,Mysty!” So, I’d go chasing him.. It was a lot of fun and The people who went there thought we came up with a cute idea and loved it. As time went on though..I felt like I was the only one putting in any effort on it. It ticked me off. I’d ask for input and get no answer back from the team. I’d go on the board and be pretty much the only team member posting there. I couldn’t do it all by myself. I got frustrated. Somebody posting there offered to set up a chat room for the board as a gift. I became friends with that person at first.. We began talking about each other ,but I wouldn’t really reveal much about myself. It was a guy… and for the first time in a long time, Somebody was interested in ME as a person. They’d talk to me about my interests and things. I enjoyed their company. The team got angry at me. They accused me of replacing them and leaving them behind..of abandoning them. Sis especially. She wound up leaving the board. I stood my ground and wouldn’t budge from my position. So, We were not getting along at all. I stayed with my new friend and pretty much ended my friendship with all of them. As we spoke, This guy got me to open up slowly about myself. There was a problem though. He became romantically interested in me. I was with Michael. I told them that I was in a relationship with somebody.. I didn’t mention who. Finally though, They got everything out of me. 3 years and besides my friends, I never told a single soul. My relationship with Michael was in huge trouble. And This is why I have so much trouble with Gabriel… Our relationship soured to the point where Michael made it crystal clear that he no longer wanted a relationship with Tiffany Warren. There was only one reason he was staying around. He wanted Gabriel. From that point on, I was to talk to him as Gabriel only. That’s how obsessed he became. I agreed to it with my heart shattered. I just kept hoping against hope that this was him being under too much pressure and that he’d turn around one day and realize how much he was killing me inside. I only wanted Whisper back, the man I fell in love with. It was then I knew.. He didn’t want me. He didn’t really give a damn for me anymore. He also made it clear that if things went bad, He would leave and never contact me again. I was walking a very fine rope. So, I cried to this new friend and told him everything that was going on. He told me that he knew of somebody who was close friends with Michael ,and That he could have this person try to talk to Michael for me and pretty much tell him.. “Look man..You have to stop this.” The man’s name was supposedly Devin Brown. He told me to tell Michael to speak to the man. I did as he asked me to. I can still remember being in my kitchen and crying.. praying that this would help Michael and get us back on track. I cried that entire night. However, I spoke to Michael and He made no mention of my messages. The next day, I spoke to my new friend.. He says to me.. “Tiffany, I have some news for you. Please stay calm. I told him I would and asked him what the news was. He informed me that Whisper was not Michael Jackson. He told me that the name he gave me was actually his real name. He made it clear that Whisper was dangerous and had me talk to somebody who claimed to know Whisper. They gave me an address and phone number where this Devin Brown supposedly lived. I called this number and heard this male voice on an answering machine. I didn’t leave a message. I was confused and I didn’t know if the guy sounded like Whisper or not. I called Sis on the phone. She was cold at first towards me, but I told her that Whisper was an imposter. I gave her the name and address given to me.. It was a New York address. At first, She was on my side. However, Her husband was a police officer. He had a police friend up in New York and checked things out. Nobody by that name had ever lived at the address given. To add to it, Nobody by that name ever lived in the state of New York for 20 years. I lost her support after that. During our talks, She told me she had been talking to Whisper almost every night. I talked to him.. He denied it, of course. Sis had no reason to lie though. Eventually, I was urged to alert fan clubs about Whisper. I was told he was dangerous. I lived with him and the things he did for 3 years. I wrote anonomyously a paragraph detailing the relationship and it was passed to all the fan clubs. I was still with Whisper but I knew it was only a matter of time though before he found out. He found out what was being spread and wanted “Gabriel” to take care of it. He wanted a public apology. I told him I’d work on it. Of course, I wasn’t doing a damn thing. Soon, We were getting e-mails from girls who had a relationship with him. 7 in all. One woman e-mailed me and She was very nice to me about it. She thought I had made a mistake in his intentions and wanted to try and make peace between us. She told me some personal things I had only told Whisper on the phone. I sent her Whisper’s e-mails and chat conversations. I felt bad for her. Let’s just say she had a rude awakening that day. Then, She asks me about Gabriel telling me.. Where did you come up with Gabriel? Because that was something special between him and me. “ Yeah. So,I explained where Gabriel came from ,and She was appalled. I was still in contact with Whisper although I wanted to puke being near him. That night, I told him about a relationship I had supposedly had in the past..where “this person just thinks they can play mind games with me and get away with it. It’s like they think I’m some sort of pawn here, but Their time is coming. This is MY HEART and MY life. I don’t appreciate it being played around with like I’m nothing.” Whisper demanded to know the name of the “girl” who hurt me. I wouldn’t tell him. He knew though. He knew I was speaking of him. That’s why he was demanding a name. It was that night that I was ready to leave him behind. I wanted one more special night with him. We had that special night together.. and I knew it was over. About 3AM, I get this phone call. It was Whisper. He was sobbing hard, and I couldn’t hear what he was saying.. but I knew he figured it out.
The next day, I went on the message boards and all hell had broken loose. With Sis by his side, He came out against me. He claimed that he never claimed to be Michael Jackson. That I was doing all this because he had sent me money at one time but felt I was taking advantage of him for his money. Suddenly,Whisper said.. “I’m a girl. I would never say I was Michael Jackson..” Oh yeah.. and You all should know. T has been in psychatric hospitals before. She’s crazy.”
I lost all my friends. Even the people who supposedly were supporting me. One of them had given me MJJ productions phone number. I had called it and spoke to Felicia Ferris. She laughed and told me.. “No way was that Michael..I’m so sorry for what you went through.” She told me to speak to Michael’s personal assistant about the matter because of the things Whisper said and did. She gave me another number to call. I tried and was told the assistant would call me later in the week. Two weeks passed with no phone call..and I decided to call back. This man answered the phone and was extremely rude to me. I ended the phone conversation crying because he tore me to shreds. He was like “Look. Michael’s assistant has more important matters to worry about than some fake on the internet. You should have been more careful in who you were associating with on the internet. If there is a threat, Call the police.” He pretty much hung up on me. I wasn’t trying to cause anybody any problems here. I just wanted the truth. I decided I would leave things alone there. My message board was hacked and ruined. My e-mail address was hacked and all the e-mails from Whisper deleted. My house was broken into and almost all the gifts Whisper bought me was taken along with the tracking papers to those gifts. My valuable things were left. And The people who supposedly had my back on this? Well, They came up with this bullcrap that I was a victim of an imposter but I just wouldn’t accept that this person was not Michael. A lie. Just more lies. Sis and Whisper became a couple. Yeah.. like that was a surprise.. not. She still speaks to me every once in awhile. She still believes it was Michael but She holds things against me because I went public. With Michael dead, Her blame is worse. To them..I “hurt” Michael. I wasn’t loyal. Here I had gave that man everything in me. I loved him more than anything in this world and did all I could for him and to fix this relationship. Hell, I even had to be GABRIEL for him. Who the hell would do that?
Michael never really spoke about his work much. He liked surprising people. He did tell me while working on it ..” It’s an entirely different album than what I had orginally planned. YOU changed it. “ I was like.. “Me? What did I do?” He laughed and said “You made me fall in love with you.” He told me.. “Man, They know something is up. They know I’m in love.” So, I asked him “What do they think?” He answered me.. “They think I’m sneaking some girl in my room ,but They can’t figure out how I’m doing it.” We both laughed at that. Once I had said something jokingly to him.. It was dirty as hell. I told him that if he didn’t behave himself, I was gonna um do something.lol..” He told me.. “Okay.. So,I’m in the studio and I’m at the mike. I’m getting ready to sing when I remembered what you said.. He said “I started laughing as they started the music for me to sing ,and I couldn’t stop laughing. They had to stop the take. They asked me “Michael,What’s so funny?” He told them.. “Nevermind. I was just thinking of something.” And laughed again. He told me.. “Thanks a lot for ruining my take.” And He laughed at me. I told him..”My pleasure hon.” What can be confirmed is that Michael Jackson did change the album’s direction. Another thing that was revealed after his death was that Michael seemed preoccupied with something. He was either always on his cell phone or in his office.. At meetings, He was busy scribbling on a note pad and not paying attention. Or he wouldn’t show up. Once, He canceled a studio session because I was very upset over something. He was getting ready to go ,and I even told him to go to work. He replied.. “No. You need me now.” He called them up and told them.. “Cancel tonight. I won’t be able to make it.” I was so touched by that. Studio time is very expensive. His career is something I would never ask him to sacrifice for me. It was his life and It was very important to him. So,For him to cancel studio time .. It was huge and told me without a doubt that he loved me very much. He got upset with those working on the album. He told me.. “They wanna go and have fun on my dime. They could give a damn less. To them, This is another gig. It’s my name going on the thing and It’s my ass on the line here. If anything goes wrong, It’s my ass.” I was astonished. “Another gig?” I was like “Michael..I would think it would be an honor for them to work for you. I know if I were in their shoes,I’d be honored.” He gave a short laugh..”Yeah ,but You aren’t THEM. You actually give a damn about me.” I asked him.. “Can’t you replace them?” He told me “Too much time and money has been spent for me to turn back now. I have to accept things as they are.”
I received Invincible early. I remember the first time I heard You Rock My World. I cried. I couldn’t help it. It was wonderful to me ,but I didn’t want to assume anything. Michael asked me what I thought. I told him I loved it ,and He said.. “You should. The album is mostly about you.” He laughed. “The whole world is singing to our love and They don’t know it.” I was humbled. I thanked him with all my heart. From the title track Invincible.. The song is about a guy who loves this girl who “won’t give in to him..” He wonders if she has a boyfriend.. He talks about all he can do for her…if she’d just give him the time of day..lol This was like the beginning of our relationship. When he’d get boastful about how he knew I was his and all that.. I’d type “ Why ain’t you feelin’ me? She’s invincible.. I can’t do anything..She’s Invincible.. Even when I beg and plead.. She’s invincible.. Girl won’t give in to me..She’s invincible..” He’d laugh and say.. “Yeah..Well, I got you. And I would reply..”You don’t have me as much as you think you do,Jackson.” It was the truth. I loved him more than anything in the world but Still I held a tiny part of myself to myself. Butterflies.. All you got to do is walk away and pass me by.. don’t acknowledge my smile.. when I try to say hello to you.. and All you got to do is not answer my call when I’m trying to get through. Keep me wonderin’ why.. when all I can do is sigh.. I just want to touch you.. I just wannna touch and kiss and I wish that I could be with you tonight.Cause you give me butterflies inside.
That whole album meant the world to me ,and Michaela loved it too. She’d dance along to the songs. It made me cry.. and When the relationship ended, I couldn’t listen to it. I break down every time I try listening to it.. especially now. It’s too much to bear sometimes. It was funny..People asked Michael what his inspiration was for certain songs like “Speechless and You are my life.” He told them 2 different answers. I talked to him about it. He was like “I know.. I forgot.” Meaning he forgot what he had first told them. I was like..”Michael, You got to be careful. People notice and then they think “Why is he changing his story on what those songs mean to him? He’s hiding something.” Michael agreed and told me he’d be more careful. His official explanation was His children were the inspiration. It fit perfectly.
Heaven Can Wait was very special.. To me, It expressed his deep fear of dying. He had good reason to be afraid. Here we go with the explanation as to why and my opinion of what really happened to him in his death. He was often sick. Especially when he was upset over something. He’d get physically sick. He would also call me sometimes high off something. He’d have slurred speech and giggling a lot. He’d tell me.. “They gave me something. I don’t know..” He once was like.. “This world is so colorful.. like a box of crayons.. so many colors..” I’d get pissed off because he’d tell me that sometimes, They gave him things to see how he would act high.” He knew I’d get upset ,and then, He’d start sobbing.. “Please don’t leave me..Please.. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.” I’d have to soothe him and tell him I loved him and wouldn’t leave him. Not ever. No matter what.” He was just too high to understand anything more than I was upset. He didn’t know why. When Michael was sober, He was very much against this. I once drank a glass of wine two times in one week. He told me.. “Watch. I don’t want you to turn into an alcoholic.” I replied back “Look who the hell is talking here? Answer me Michael.. Have a pain pill today? I bet so. I drink two glasses of wine.. My first in five years.. and You say that shit to me? No..Check yourself.” He shut up. He knew I was right. He was the last person to talk to me about drugs. He scared the hell out of me once. Me, sis ,and Whisper were all in this private chat room. We were all joking around and enjoying ourselves. Suddenly, Sis noticed that Whisper wasn’t talking much. It wasn’t uncommon for him to up and leave if he got busy. What was odd was that he usually left completely. He wouldn’t leave himself in the chat room. Sis and I tried to laugh it off ,but We were uneasy. He probably had a phone call or something. An hour later, He’s still in the chat but There was nothing coming from him. Sis said..”Tiffany, Something’s up. You know Whisper doesn’t do this. I said back to her.. “I know hon. Maybe, He just got too rushed and had to leave in a hurry or something.” We both made a decision to try and alert his computer. We made all types of noises with our computers to try and get somebody’s attention. 15 minutes passed and by then, Both Sis and I knew something was really wrong and We were scared. We kept up the noises but We’d type something like.. “Damn it Whisper.. Talk to us here. We’re scared. Is everything okay?” Suddenly, We get a response.. It looked like this.. nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…across the screen. Then slowly.. messing up the letters and putting letters that didn’t belong there.. came a simple message. Help me. That was it. Sis was like.. “Whisper, How can we help you, hon? We need a phone number here. We need something to get you help. Please help us to help you. Slowly.. numbers began to appear.. there were letters in the middle of them but Sis got the number. Whisper had both international and US phone numbers. However, He didn’t give them out to too many people. I didn’t even get a phone number until 2 years into the relationship. His next message was call tiff. He wanted me but I couldn’t call him internationally. Sis could though.. and She called the number and patched it through to me. She told me..”Please take care of him,Tiffany.” And She left us alone. So I say to him.. “Michael.. Honey..What’s going on?” The sound of terror in his voice I’ll never forget in my life. He told me he had taken some blood tests and It showed he was low in Vitamin K. So, He had a nurse to give him Vitamin K shots to build it back up. This nurse came in and gave him a shot. He became paralysed. He couldn’t move and had been laying there on his bed motionless with his computer and phone beside him. It took him hours just to type that message to us. He was sobbing and said.. I could hear you both but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get to you. God,What if I wind up staying this way? What will I do?” I told him “Michael, You got to get to a hospital. You have to call security. “ He cried harder.. “No, You don’t understand. They did this to me on purpose! They control me. They do things to me.” And He was crying so hard. My heart twisted. I did the best I could. I stayed with him and tried to get his mind off the situation. I tried calming him down. “Michael, The fact you regained use of your fingers is a good sign. The stuff they gave you has to wear off. I’m here,Sweetheart ,and I’m not leaving you. You’ll see..It’s gonna be okay. “ I sat there all night talking to him about anything and everything to get his mind off the horror of what was going on. It took until morning but He finally did come out of it and was able to move once more. Okay.. I’m gonna tackle this topic of my opinion on Michael and Lisa’s marriage by saying it absolutely wasn’t a sham. People are so damn stupid.. I mean, If I had a man look at me the way Michael would look at her in pictures, I’d be a very happy woman. He loved her deeply. But, I feel that Lisa was who Michael believed was his ideal woman. She was rich. Therefore, She wouldn’t need money from him. She came from a background of Rock history and had a reputation based on that. Lisa herself though wasn’t what I’d call “classy”. The woman lived with a poor musician and She was able to experience the real world and what it was like. Lisa didn’t always have a lot of money here. She chose a “normal” life in that she could take her children to the grocery store without being mobbed and such. When I first heard the news of their marriage and saw the love and happiness in Michael’s eyes, I was so happy for him. I was never jealous of Lisa, like some fans were. For me, Michael had been through so much in his life that I felt he deserved to find love and happiness..as well as get the family he had always dreamed of. However, When I watched the PTL interview, My heart hurt for Michael. I knew his marriage wasn’t going to last. I sat there after the interview and thought to myself.. “Michael, Your heart is about to be broken..and I’m so sorry. I hope I’m wrong.” It wasn’t the fact Lisa was acting like a stone cold bitch that got me worried. I didn’t blame her one bit for that. There are just certain lines you don’t cross with a woman. One.. You don’t flirt with her man. Two: You don’t diss her man either. If you dare to venture into these two extremes, watch out because she’s gonna pounce on you. A woman in love is protective of the man she loves. It’s like me with Whisper. I may think he acted like an asshole on this and that such day..Just don’t you dare say it.. lol It’s a boundary thing mostly. We protect what we love. However.. If you were to cut Diane Sawyer out of the picture and just look at the way Michael and Lisa acted… A disturbing picture emerges. If I were to have never seen a couple but seen those two acting like Michael and Lisa did.. I would say the same of what I am about to say now. Michael was clueless. He was totally in love and happy to be sharing that with people. You could see it in the sparkle in his eyes, the way he would tease her, the animated voice and expressions he used. He didn’t see the problem. He was head over heels. Lisa told me a different story. I knew she loved him. She was protecting him. The problem? She didn’t accept him for who he was completely. Lisa fell into a delusion that some people in love make. They think that because they love somebody, They can make that person fit in the lives.. like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. There were things about Michael she didn’t like much ,and I believe she truthfully thought she could change him to be this regular guy who acted like an adult and lived a family life. She should have read the manual on Michael Jackson a bit before marrying him. Had she done that, She would have seen that there was no way that was ever gonna happen. Not in a billion years. His playfulness and childlike mannerisms annoyed her. She spent half that interview acting more like a scolding mother to him than his wife. I was kind of taken aback at the end..when the credits are rolling and childhood begins to play.. Michael gets up to dance to it..Lisa yanks him back down on the chair. Had that been anybody else..They would have gotten their block knocked off. Michael is a dancer. If he feels like dancing, Let the man dance. Dancing is beautiful. I can’t do the ish.. but I know every single person on this planet has experienced listening to that great song on the radio.. maybe they’re cleaning house or something..and They go around their house singing to that song and dancing to it. Music can make a person feel so alive and good inside. Music and dancing is the one good thing Michael had in his life for all of his life. Why deny him that? Because of how it may look on a damn T.V special? Hell no. I feel the same about his childlikeness and his playfulness. Michael experienced so much pain and darkness in his life.. Why can’t he be allowed to experience that there are good things about life as well? He needed those good experiences to remind him that life is such a blessing and gift. Gabriel had a “Michael Jackson Day” in one of my stories for Michael because that’s what I would have done. I’d encourage him to play and go have fun. Why not? Who gives a damn what people think about it? If it’s a amusement park ride or water balloon fight, a story or whatever it is.. By all means..Go have fun. He worked so damn hard in his life to be denied that fun. And The masks.. People wanna make a big ish about it ,but Excuse Michael for wanting a little piece of himself to himself. Understand this man was the most photographed and talked about person on this planet. He felt the need to hide a bit sometimes. So the hell what? If wearing a mask made him feel comfortable..Go for it. It doesn’t change who he was as a person at all. But, I could see him trying to wear more “normal” clothes a little when they took pics together. Yeah..He still had some of his old military style type of clothes that he wore ,but Suddenly, You saw Michael wearing shirts with normal jackets and Shirts with a simple vest with it. His style was a bit muted. Hers however.. I haven’t seen Lisa look more beautiful since. She looked classy and elegant. Now.. Hmm.. Let’s just say I don’t like it. She looked much more better with Michael. Also.. Michael led an entertainer’s life. He was not the type of person who liked sitting around and doing nothing at all. He was always moving and always doing something. He could never fit the mold of a “typical” husband who goes to work at nine and comes home at five to eat dinner with the family and spend all his nights at home. That’s not what he was used to ,and I’d bet that after awhile..That type of existance would drive him absolutely out of his mind. But, I believe Lisa thought that marriage would change Michael. When she saw that wasn’t going to happen, She wound up ending it. I think that she began listening to her mommy and listening to her friends about how weird Michael acted and how him being gone on tour or in the studio a lot just shows that he doesn’t give a damn about her. Blah Blah Blah.. She began to trust them more than Michael. It was as if.. to her.. his actions reflected on her and she wanted that good image to present to the public of a loving family life. Michael didn’t grow up enough for her taste. That is partly what happened.. in my little humble opinion. I never shared that observation with Whisper though. But, That’s how I felt about her.
The only thing is.. When I read her blog about Michael on the day he died.. I understood her completely. I knew exactly how she felt because her thoughts and emotions mirrored my own. Especially when she said the line about.. “When Michael did things and manipulated for good, It was really good.. but When he manipulated things for bad..It was very bad. “ and She talked about how she felt she let him down and couldn’t save him. So.. I understood that very well. Her thoughts mirrored my feelings.
This is the end of my journal I wrote about Whisper. I hope it helps you all understand more. Please take care.
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Post by xscape on Feb 28, 2010 13:55:02 GMT -5
I'm sorry for the triple post. There's something in my heart I wish to address.
The attention part. Yeah, There are people out there that thrive on drama and attention. Positive or negative..Attention to these type of people is good. It's like a drug to them. I've been through so much. People don't get it. More, They don't know me. I'm the type of person who can go a week without so much as contact with another human being. I hate parties and groups. I get so exhausted when there's too much.
If you were in my shoes, You wouldn't want it. You try to share with people what happened to you ,and Instantly, You are placed under a microscope and judged. If you don't remember everything or If somebody mixes up something you type, Forget it. You must be lying. Where's the proof? They say. Yeah..How good it must be for you that stuff all the sudden wound up missing?" Uh-huh. So good that I was terrifed to the point I moved. When you trust somebody, You trust them. You don't go..Well, On the off chance they aren't who they say they are, I'll copy everything they give me and say to me 3 times. Just in case now.. I'll make sure. It's been 12 years. I have little things left ,and I keep them in a safe place. You don't want this type of attention. My reason is simple.. People don't give a damn. They don't. Your pain and anger is entertainment for them. That's all they care about. That and that you aren't after Michael. All I wanted was the cold truth either way. I began not having good motives. I wanted Whisper to be a imposter simply to be vindicated and be able to look at all those people who hurt me and go.. "There you go." As time passed though, My reasons changed. I wanted the truth to be able to get on with my life knowing exactly who the man was that I had fallen in love with and who now might be dead. It IS devastating. I may have gotten angry with Whisper. I may have been hurting badly over what happened, but I'd never wish him dead. No matter how badly something ends, There's always that part inside of your heart that loves that person. I felt in Whisper's case, The person got themselves in a situation that they didn't know how to deal with. They couldn't say all the things they had to me and then ask me to marry them.. Then, Turn around and go.. "Honey.. I'm sorry but I can't keep my promises to you. I never meant to hurt you ,but You know my situation and how it is.. and I can't allow you in my real life. It's too risky and It could hurt you deeply as well as hurt everything I ever worked for in my life." Actually, I would have more respect for Whisper if he had done that. But, I think his solution was simply not to deal with it.. and When things got very painful for him, He cheated and had affairs. It was more simple than to face the truth and gave him somebody to adore him. I may have been devoted to him ,but When things went wrong, I didn't put up with ish to a point. I didn't care if his name was Joe Plumber or Michael Jackson.. If he was acting shady, I called him on it. He didn't like that one minute. He blamed me for everything. Yet, He was the one being deceptive. He blamed me for not being nice to his friends much. He's absolutely right. I wasn't very open to his friends. Why? Because I could see right through their bullcrap. He didn't want to know. I cared about him so much and felt he deserved the upmost respect and People around him that gave a damn for him. I had no patience for users or backstabbers. No time for Obsessed people and their hidden agendas of treating other people like dirt just so they could get close to him. I was very protective of him.I didn't like him being hurt or taken advantage of. He simply settled. He would be friends with whoever would appear to give him that friendship.
Me..If somebody wasn't true in their heart, I wasn't gonna kiss their feet. If somebody really treated him with respect and compassion, I had no problem whatsoever. He needed true people around him. Not posers. What I learned about people and their behaviors was disturbing. I couldn't go to our mutual friends for advice and support. Forget it. They would excuse and justify every single thing and act like I was the one with the problem. He has been hurt so much.. much more than anybody else.. They'd tell me. I am not downgrading his pain or saying it didn't happen.. but Please.. I am human too. I hurt and can have my heart broken too. I had a very rough childhood as well. There are people in life who have gone through much worse than Michael Jackson did. Talk to a child who is forced to watch his family tortured and killed and then put into slavery.. Then, Tell me about Michael Jackson. No,It doesn't mean Michael didn't suffer. It doesn't mean his pain should be ignored because it was ignored way too much already. But,If Michael Jackson is hurting people, He should be held accountable. I don't mean crucify the man. But, Other people are hurting too. Their pain, deserves to be validated just as much as Michael's does. I didn't ask for this to happen. I didn't ask for this man to go claiming to be Michael Jackson and then claim to be in love with me. I didn't twist his arm and force him to do as he did. He hurt me deeply whoever he is ,and I have nobody to really turn to. It's why I don't stay friends with people very long. They start off being super nice to me because they heard about me and my situation. Of course, They want all the details. All the intimate details. Not to help me figure this out or to be there for me. No..They wanna know because Michael Jackson's name has been put in here by Whisper. They get what they want and disappear. The show is over for them. I get left alone once more.
The other people this happened to will not come forward. They see the hell I've been through ,and They don't want it. Others won't come forward on the chance that Whisper was Michael Jackson. They don't want to be disloyal. I get angry when that is the reason. Where was Whisper's loyality to them? Michael Jackson or not, Where was his loyality when he's telling all these girls, "Oh..I am single.. That person is just somebody I am helping." It was one of his favorite lines. Where was his loyality when he gained people's trust and then, Did things to shatter them and destroy that trust? What Whisper did wasn't right in the slightest. I refuse to excuse it even if I do understand it to a certain extent. He had the ability to tell the truth. Lord knows I asked him many times to level with me. I deserved respect enough to be given the choice of whether or not I wanted to have a unending internet and phone relationship with somebody or Whether I wanted something more. The verbal abuse was horrible. He'd say ish to me like "I have people around me that will do what I want when I want them to with no question. Why am I even bothering with you?" Well one.. You supposedly chose me because I wasn't like everybody else and I didn't simply drool and adorn you with adoration or kiss your feet. I was my own person ,and That's something you supposedly admired. and Number Two: I am not some groupie robot. If you wanted one of those, Let me get out of your way and go get one.
He took my favorite romantic MJ song.. The Lady in My life.. and ruined it. I can't listen to that song now. I should have never told him I loved the song. One night.. He's in the chat room and goes typing the lyrics to me.I remember being so touched and feeling so blessed. So in love. We have a disagreement. He goes.. "The lady in my life.. Yeah right."
If he wasn't Michael Jackson.. You tell me what right he had to do that to me. Even if he was, That's pretty cruel. We have a spat so let me go crush her feelings and degrade her. And what was that argument about? Like usual. I wasn't stupid. I knew he was cheating. And now that I know all I know.. It does tick me off that much more. I gave this man my devotion, my heart ,and All of the love in me. I loved him before Michael Jackson even got into it. And He had the nerve to go saying the crap he said to me? Um. No.. Hold the truck. lol
I bought into it too. I even had proof ,but I backed down so many times and blamed myself for even confronting him on anything. I even bought self help books. When he told me I had to pretend to be some character just to have him be with me, I did it with my heart shattered to the floor. It KILLED me inside. What right did he have to do that to me? The woman he once said was the most precious of god's creation. I kept hoping and praying he'd turn around and see the pain I was in.. only wanting his love and approval. Trying my guts out to change myself and be somebody he could love again.
Michael Jackson or not.. It isn't right. I deserved to be treated with respect and love. I deserved the truth. I still deserve the truth. At least that much.. cause I shared my soul with this man, things I'll never open myself up and share with another person again. I'll never love somebody as much or as completely as I loved him. I am very cynical when it comes to men now and relationships. 12 years and I haven't been in love yet. Whisper destroyed so much.
Then, You got these lurkers and Whisper disciples. They believed all he told them. Sometimes, They get it in their heads to go confront me. lol So,I get called all types of nasty names and accused of all this ish I didn't do. None of them ever bothered coming to me and sitting me down to ask me my side of the story. Oh no.. That would take something they don't have.. respect. So,They go and say what they want in their little secret societies and think I don't know. I know people's deal. I know they leave their various message boards and go spreading ish. I'm not stupid. So,They bring it all back up.. putting light back on Whisper, which I know he would appreciate.. and make their veiled threats. Nothing is gonna happen here. Why? Because as long as nothing is known for sure, Nothing can happen. Whisper doesn't have the nerve to go taking to me in court if he was an imposter. One,That kinda blows his cover. Two.. He doesn't have a case if I can prove that Yeah.. He claimed to be Michael Jackson and misled me. Courts don't go against people telling facts about a person. You can only sue if that person lied and It harmed your reputation. If they tell the truth, It's done. And If Whisper had to go inside a court room and his followers saw he wasn't Michael Jackson..There's no way they're gonna commit perjury for him and go to jail. Same principle with Michael Jackson. Like he's gonna go to court and try to defend himself. One..It exposes what happened and It doesn't look too good. The burden of proof lies with Whisper.. whoever that person is. They'd have to prove I lied about them.
They won't do that because it exposes far more than they care to have. lol
All they got is the court of public opinion. And If anything happened to me.. People would know. Tiffany isn't around.. What happened to her? They'd know why something happened and who was behind it. Whisper can't risk that.
And The things these disciples don't know is Whisper felt the need to find me in a chat room and apologize to me for all the pain he caused me. lol I was shocked. It's more than I expected. He could have done it in public but Hey.. He wasn't gonna give up what he had.. the power of people thinkin he was MJ. He wasn't gonna give that up for nobody.
Now, Michael is reportedly dead. If Whisper is still out there, He's lurking around the boards someplace under a new identity.. He can't resist. It's like a drug to him. The adoration.
What's funny though is these disciples think they can tell me what to do and how my life.. lol Just go on with your life.. They tell me.
Guess what? It's MY life,thanks. If I wanna find out the truth about Whisper, I'll do so no matter what I have to do to find it. They can give me their best shot. I won't sit back and be placed in a corner just because their ring leader decided to go mess with people and can't own up to it. He should have thought about his words and actions before doing them. And If he was MJ, He should have thought about that public image and what people would say if he went screwing around on people. I love him to this day ,but I'm not gonna be blamed for things I didn't do. I've been blamed enough.
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shazz
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by shazz on Feb 28, 2010 15:38:55 GMT -5
Xscape, thank you for sharing your story with us. I nearly cried when I read it..you didn't deserve all the pain and frustration that went on in your life. As Im sitting here, writing this reply, I'm trying to imagine how hard it must have been for you. How confusing. How heartbreaking. And I really can't. You're a strong woman. I admire that. I'm sorry for everything you had to endure..and I wish you, with all my heart, the best of luck in finding out the truth. If you ever need anything, or anyone to talk to, don't be afraid to tell us here. We'll always listen!
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Post by xscape on Feb 28, 2010 18:27:15 GMT -5
Thank You Shazz It really does help to come to a place and know there are people who listen to you with open ears and hearts. I have been through so much in this life ,but I don't consider myself special or anything. We deal with the hand we're dealt. I believe things do happen for a reason ,even when we don't always understand what that reason is. In this experience, I had a unique chance to be able to know what it's like to be in Michael Jackson's world. For all intents and purposes, I was his girlfriend and then his fiancee. I got to learn about celebrity and how cruel people treat one another ,and how delusional people can get. I heard Whisper tell me of things people did, people who were supposed to be fans here. People exposing themselves in front of Michael and his children yelling in a crude manner how they wanted to have sex with him.. meanwhile, He's got to tell his children to hunch down and close their ears so they don't hear it. What the hell? Sorry..That isn't right. Show some damn class! He once called me up laughing his head off. I'm like What's up? He goes.. "Two women just invited me to go watch them have sex with each other, Should I go?" I laughed too. I was like.. "Heck yeah! Go ahead.. Get the popcorn out and make sure you invite the camera crews.. Oh yeah.. and Don't be stingy..Make sure you share the video. Entitle it.. "Stupid things people do cause they think it will turn a celebrity on." We both laughed at these people. They didn't get it. Still don't. People want to be loved and accepted for who they are. Women know this more than men do... but I'll give you a classic senario to put it all in mind for you. How do you women feel going to a club or party and Somebody goes hitting on you nonstop that you don't know and aren't interested in? You hate it,right? Now,Imagine Michael Jackson's position. The only difference is he can't really say.. "Look jerk.. Leave me alone. I'm not interested." Those people buy his albums and have his picture on the wall. So,He has to be nice to them and not hurt their feelings ,or make them feel in any way that he doesn't appreciate their support. But,They made the excuses.. Oh he dances a certain way or dresses a certain way so that means he wants it.. Same mentality rapists use for women. She was askin' for it wearin that miniskirt and dancing the way she was... C'mon..If the man ain't interested, He's not interested. It does take TWO to make a relationship and It can't be forced. That's true of a celebrity or anybody else. Michael loved his fans very much. That is truth regardless of who whisper was. One time though.. Whisper calls me up crying. Why? Because he had lost faith that the fans really loved him. He was hurting so much because he needed them ,and He felt there wasn't anything he could do. He wasn't going to beg for people to give him a chance. Suddenly, I got an idea. I told him that I had something I wanted him to hear. There was a song that two children had sang during the first allegations. It was called Michael. It was a song that spoke of how Michael was inspiration to him and how they believed in him and would stand by him now that he needed them to. I played the song for him. When it was over,I get back on the phone. He was sobbing. "Oh Thank God.. Thank you. I thought I had lost them." I gave him his fans back and made him realize.. Yeah..Fans do some stupid things and say stupid things at times ,but Their love is genuine and so is their support. He needed to know people cared about him beyond Michael Jackson the superstar and cared about his heart and his feelings. Because he didn't believe people did care or wanted to listen to him when he spoke of being abused and his lost childhood. He felt like people didn't care about hearing that he was being victimized and was hurting at what was going on. He could be very cutting on himself. I was on the phone with him once and he goes.. "If I were you, I'd turn and run away. Just forget about me." I asked him what he meant. He replied to me.. "C'mon,Tiffany..Don't you understand you're in love with the freak show? The weirdo..Jacko..So bizarre.." I wasn't havin' it. Not one second. I said to him.. I fell in love with a wonderful and kind man named Michael Jackson ,and I don't give a damn about what some ignorant asses wish to come up with in their imaginations. They don't know you ,and I never want to hear you cut yourself down because of them ever again. I don't care what they think." And Yeah.. Haters abounded. People walked into the chat room and said all types of things without using their heads first. One of the jerks came in and started going on and on about what a ripoff Michael was because he lip synced parts of his show. They went on and on about how they'd watch his lips and all this ish on videos. I got ticked. So, I go.. "You mean to tell me you actually sat and watched Michael's mouth that closely .. and You're a guy watching another man's mouth that way?" Tell me.. Are you gay?" The chat began to laugh. I continued.. "it's alright if you are.. I mean.. We women watch Michael's yummy mouth all the time so we understand you completely! Go ahead and come on out tha closet! Nobody's gonna hate cause we relate!" People were laughing and the guy got so embaressed and left. Whisper told me he never had so much fun. Cause I wouldn't allow some jerk to go ruining Whisper's night and hurting his feelings. People don't get how much effort it takes into putting on a show for people. They see the end result and think it's easy. It's not easy by a long shot. If you are a singer and dancer,It's harder because you need oxygen to breathe and You're trying to do two things at once. lol It takes up oxygen. lol So..Sometimes.. Michael needed some time to catch his breath and rest. What's he gonna do? Stop the show and go.. Okay Peeps.. I have to rest. Imma hold up the show while I get some air. Give me about 15 minutes and I'll be back to do the rest of the concert. lol Uh-huh.. Yeah. Like that would go over well.. lol Whisper told me once.. "No matter what.. The show goes on. It doesn't matter if you're sick or hurting. You look right at the camera and smile brightly and tell everybody how wonderful you're doing. Nobody wants to hear the truth. and I don't want people worrying about me if they don't need to." In other words, He was saying Michael felt like he had to pretty much lie to people because people didn't want to take the time and listen to the truth. He couldn't have a bad day like everybody else did. He couldn't tell people to leave him alone if he wanted some time to himself. People put Michael in a box. He didn't even have the freedom to love whoever he loved and be happy with that person. Like Debbie Rowe. So many fans judging her and putting her down. If Michael loved her enough to make her the mother of his two children, Who has the right to judge her here? Why? Cause she's a little rough around the edges and isn't some beauty queen rich heiress? That's not right. People claimed they wanted Michael's happiness. Well, Would you like people dissing who you''re with and who you love? No,You wouldn't. Michael didn't choose his relationships for people's stamp of approval. He chose certain people because he loved them. and People thought they had the right to go judging..especially after a break up. Again, It takes TWO to make a relationship work. If you ain't there to know what happened, You can't talk. Then,People wondered why Michael would keep his relationships a secret. Well, What did you expect him to do? Allow people to trample all over the people he was with and hurt them? No. He's gonna protect them. It's sad he even had to. I had to laugh when I saw a picture of Michael wearing a Michael Jackson T-shirt. If he was Whisper, Do you know how hard I worked to get him to be a fan? LOL I worked my tail off..LOL We're in the chat and People are talkin about how great Michael was.. So, I jokingly asked him the question.. "So,Are you a Michael Jackson fan?" He told me "See..That's the problem, I never know how to answer that one." I replied "Oh..You gotta be a Michael Jackson fan! Hands down..You have to be." and He goes.."What? So,You want me to have a big head now? And I said.. "No..Being conceited and loving yourself and enjoying what you do are two different things. Now.. I wanna hear you say it.. MICHAEL JACKSON IS THE BEST!!" So.. He goes.. Um.. Okay.. But Only if you say you're a perfect angel." I replied.. "Me? A perfect angel? Um..Okay.. I'M A PERFECT ANGEL!! YAY!!" And then I went LMAO...I love you.. and He goes.. I love you too.. Laughing with you* To see Michael in that MJ t-shirt made me very happy. He needed to have the ability to be able to sit back and enjoy his work.. not always having to be critical over it and feel like he's a failure if every dance step isn't in place. His father put fear in him so that every step had to be in place and every song had to be in tune. It's hard to enjoy what you do when you're under a fear of being beaten if you mess it up. Yeah.. You grow up but that soundtrack of your father is always in your ears, belittling you if you mess up at all. It's painful.. and You keep doing it to yourself regardless if people tell you how wonderful you did. So,I wanted to break that for him and give him the freedom to be a Michael Jackson fan. I'm glad to see he did.. watching video clips of This is it where he's watching what's going on and laughing and enjoying things he was doing. Just like a fan would. We all need to be our own best fan. *Smile And If Whisper was indeed Michael Jackson, I like to think that I had a hand a little bit in allowing him to be more free in some aspects. Cause God knows that despite what happened.. He deserved some peace, freedom ,and love. More love.
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Post by Jane on Feb 28, 2010 19:25:25 GMT -5
Tiffany!! I just want to give you a load of hugs right now I spent all day reading this, you know, lol, in between all the other things I've been doing today. I am very intrigued with your story. Your words definitely support what I've been thinking for a while now, and I agree with you on many things. First, no matter who you are, you have no right to hurt anyone. You are right on that. Whether Whisper was Michael or not, Michael nor some stranger had any right to treat you that way. And there are no excuses because we all know better. You are very strong for all the things that you have put up with, including taking care of your daughter simultaneously. I understand where you are coming from, we all have different backgrounds and we all have had our fair share of bad experiences and it doesn't give us a certificate to walk all over others. I support you completely on your search for the truth because we all come to that point in our lives when we need it. I applaud you for pushing forward. And I want you to know that although I have been interested in the details you have put forth in telling your story, we are not here to abandon you. Personally, I have been on a journey of my own, dealing with some of the things in my life as well, making lots of changes and looking for the truth. And I always figure that those who stay with me through my rough times are the real thing, the real friends. Unfortunately some people have to be ruled out, and I had to rid myself of negativity that came at me from many people, but in my abandon I came to find many, many wonderful people who are so loving and accepting. Most of them belong to this forum. So I know it takes a while to trust, and that it's not an easy thing, but I can speak for myself and say that I am here for you, if you need any help in your search. I have a couple friends here whom I speak with almost every night with and we speak of everything and anything and are here for each other through all the bumps, Michael and non-Michael related. You are now our friend and a part of our family. I'm sincerely happy that you are here and I hope we can be a support in helping you attain that peace. All my love, Jane
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Post by xscape on Feb 28, 2010 20:02:37 GMT -5
Jane..Thank you because right now.. I want to cry. I can't believe what is happening to me. Well..Yes, I can. It doesn't change that it hurts though.
I'm sure you read the other thread by now. I didn't go threatening people ,and I'm not this Joe person. I have no idea what in the world is going on except to know that I have been banned from that board.. and I guess I placed my trust once again in the wrong places. I thought since they investigated things there that they would use their heads and really think.. Okay.. Let's see if there is a possibility this girl got hacked or If we got hacked and they stole control over her user name to do what they did.
Nope. They banned me and accused me being somebody I'm not and of threatening them. I've e-mailed them ,but I can't force them to actually read those e-mails and check into things. I would do all I could to prove my innocence.
I just don't know.. I don't know if I want to go back there even if they do clear this whole mess up. It makes you think of all I revealed over there and how somebody is willing to go to any measure to ensure either my credibility is attacked or that the information is discredited and destroyed.
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Post by Jane on Feb 28, 2010 21:20:36 GMT -5
Jane..Thank you because right now.. I want to cry. I can't believe what is happening to me. Well..Yes, I can. It doesn't change that it hurts though. I'm sure you read the other thread by now. I didn't go threatening people ,and I'm not this Joe person. I have no idea what in the world is going on except to know that I have been banned from that board.. and I guess I placed my trust once again in the wrong places. I thought since they investigated things there that they would use their heads and really think.. Okay.. Let's see if there is a possibility this girl got hacked or If we got hacked and they stole control over her user name to do what they did. Nope. They banned me and accused me being somebody I'm not and of threatening them. I've e-mailed them ,but I can't force them to actually read those e-mails and check into things. I would do all I could to prove my innocence. I just don't know.. I don't know if I want to go back there even if they do clear this whole mess up. It makes you think of all I revealed over there and how somebody is willing to go to any measure to ensure either my credibility is attacked or that the information is discredited and destroyed. Tiffany.. i'm right here with you and i am sending you my love I understand what it is to be misjudged, what it is to be unwelcome for speaking your mind in a non-offensive manner. Before opening this forum, Nicole and I extended an invitation out to all the members at one of the other forums. And we got violently attacked by hurtful words.. i was shocked and hurt deeply, both Nicole and I were. And it took us a while to recover from that attack. And over 60 members took their hate out on us, called us mo and souza, and all because we spoke the truth about Michael.. the very things you here have said. It was disgusting to me how people can be so deluded in their "love" for someone.. needless to say neither Nicole nor I post on that forum anymore. We only reach out to members like you and invite them here. So I want to say that my heart is with you tonight, if it brings you some peace in understanding. I may not know what it is to be in your shoes, but damn it we are all human and I mean it very much when I say we are here for you. I feel very close to all of you, as cheesy as I may sound. I mean it. My heart is with you. And look -----> Please don't feel alone. Take all the time you need in trusting, healing comes at its own accord.
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Post by ragdoll on Mar 1, 2010 2:17:06 GMT -5
Wow...to say this is a bit much would be an understatement. Whoever he was, that´s a pretty vicious game and also an irresponsible act on his part. One can hardly understand how you endured that for such a long time. I´m somewhat shocked to hear such a thing... I hope you´ll soon find peace in mind and a loving and caring partner in real life.
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Post by xscape on Mar 1, 2010 2:42:55 GMT -5
Jane, I don't know what's going on. I got Mo and Souza thinking I'm somebody I'm not. They say all the messages come from the same IP and all this. Until I registered under a different name. Then,A different IP popped up. I just now had to reset my modem. It means somebody is hacking me. They send me back this e-mail I supposedly sent. The name on it has been changed ,and This was the first e-mail I ever got from them. To tell me about this IP thing ,and I'm really freaked. I didn't lie. I'm not some Joe person. I never claimed to have met MJ in a chat room. I claimed that somebody said they were Michael Jackson in a chat room. Huge difference.
The instant I showed pictures of the magazine I was sent, spoke of how the gifts sent to me came from military bases ,and told people that somebody claimed to be from the CIA going into chat rooms of MJ fans, This ish happened.
It seems to happen every time I do show the pictures. Something happens to shut me down here.
Yeah, This is crazy. Emotional abuse from the relationship ,and emotional abuse from the people who get told lies and decide to believe them over using their heads and doing some thinking.
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Post by artsysteph on Mar 1, 2010 7:05:56 GMT -5
Tiffany it is like 4am (I should be in bed...lol) and I have just finished reading your story. All I have to say is wow. You have been through so much and I pray that you will just continue to keep your head up. You have us here and it is nice to meet you.
That whole ordeal you went through I totally felt like I was on the journey with you. Reading that really hurt because you opened yourself up to someone and just got emotionally fucked...excuse my language.
Like I said you have us here and if you need to talk feel free to PM me too!
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Post by xscape on Mar 1, 2010 8:54:38 GMT -5
Am I in some type of twilight zone or something? lol Cause I've been waiting years to be around people who get it. lol It is amazing and I just want to give all of you a warm hug and a huge sigh of relief. Wolfie and I thank you all lol That's what I am naming this adorable smiley lol I was shattered regardless of who did the shattering. I'm not a vengeful person or anything ,and I don't even want anything. What's really amusing to me is the fact that you have people who can actually confirm they knew Michael ,and They say worse than I ever could. It's not like my story is really unique here. There are fans all over who either believe they have spoken to MJ over the internet or were victims of an imposter. What makes my story unique is the elaborate means this person went and the lengths gone here. What happened to me last night is unfortunately nothing new. The instant I discuss this topic and post the pictures of the magazine I have, The thread winds up disappearing. I wind up being "exposed" and discredited somehow. It happens over and over. Why? Obviously somebody has something to hide that I am revealing and They don't want this to be known. The more they do to me in order to try and silence me only drives that fact home. People wonder why I felt Michael was in danger if this was not him. Well,Think about it.. Would you feel comfortable knowing somebody was around Michael in a manner that they knew him very well and They were taking advantage of his fans by using his identity? Plus, There might be government ties here. I got too messed up in ish to go revealing that part of it. The gifts sent to me were sent from military bases. One gift,The DVD player came from a military base. Plus, Whisper decided to make contact with me and have another relationship with me years after all was said and done. I wasn't aware it was him at the time. I was in another MJ chat room and met him under another name. I thought I had made a new friend. A couple of weeks after meeting this person I thought was new.. They tell me they have to leave. They ask me to meet them in the chat room again ,and I do. We talked and joked around as usual. No more than a minute after they left, Whisper comes in using the handle of Whisper. They give me one PM.. "Sorry for the pain I caused you." Later on, A friend of mine reveals to me that a supposed relative of the "new" person tells her that he works for the CIA. Now.. If there were CIA agents going into MJ chat rooms..Why? Why would the US government go into MJ fan chat rooms and have agents pretend to be Michael Jackson in order to shatter their lives like that? Why would the CIA be spying on Michael Jackson that intensely? and Why is every little effort being made to shut me up? Cause the more people do to me, It only hurts their cause further. If I'm such a liar, Why even really care what I have to say? Why go hacking computers and telling all these lies in order to discredit me? Somebody obviously had something to hide. They don't realize how they are digging themselves a bigger hole. My speaking about what I went through may reveal things, sure.. But When things happen to me all the time like yesterday..It makes people wonder more. It's like.. "Geesh, If the girl is lying and You're that concerned, Take the girl to court and sue her for deflamation of character or something." By doing as they do, They only convince people more that I am telling the truth ,and There is some kind of cover up going on. It's scary.
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